Random Thoughts on the Winter Olympics

WinterOlympics2014Next week, the Winter Olympics start.  Yes, I know. Russia is evil.  But, the Olympics have been in other evil places too, I mean, do I have to say Hitler?

Now that we have Godwin’s Law out of the way, let’s talk about those awful outfits for Team USA.  Have you seen them?  They look like something Jean Bice of the Quaker Factory (RIP) designed, not some high end schmo…I’m looking at you Ralph Lauren.  What drug were you on when you designed those sweaters?  Or maybe you need to get back on the drugs? Were you ever on drugs?  I don’t know. I can’t afford nor do I like your clothes, regardless. My point is, what the hell?

You know what I enjoy aside from the opening ceremonies? The bobsled, the luge and the skeleton.  Those events are INSANE, especially the skeleton. Going down a bobsled run, headfirst on a tiny little sled? You have to be nuts.

There is one event I wish was in the Winter Olympics. It’s seen on the Red Bull Crashed Ice thingy.  It’s basically a race down a bobsled run…ON HOCKEY SKATES.  That totally rules!

If you couldn’t tell, the Winter Olympics are my favorite Olympics. The summer ones are kind of boring.  Seriously, what’s more exciting? Ski jump or gymnastics? Which one is the symbol of the agony of defeat?

Don’t get your panties in a proverbial bunch. I know gymnastics are tough. I’m just not interested in them.  Give me a slalom any day.

 

Super Bowl Shufflin’

Tower of cups & prop sheetsThe best place to watch the Super Bowl is in Las Vegas. The crowd is mostly men, so single ladies, you might want to check it out. Of course, you have to be able to stomach football, but there’s so much booze in Las Vegas that you should be able to handle it.

Plus there’s tons of other things to do in Vegas, shows, shopping, fine dining, people watching… Again, it makes it more enjoyable if you actually know a little about football. My dad loves the sport (most sports actually), so I have been saturated with it since I was a child.

Heck I remember when the 49ers won in the 80s. Well, I remember a bunch of people coming over to my parents’ house. Everyone was wearing red and there was lots of food.

But, as an adult, going to see the Super Bowl in Las Vegas is like one giant party. Most of the people there are grown ups. The douchebag ratio is fairly low. Granted, it’s not cheap, but odds are you can drink as much as you want and won’t get a DUI. There are cabs everywhere and most of the Strip is walkable. You don’t need to drive.

This year, I’ll be local and likely live tweeting while drinking lots of wine. Of course there will also be lots of snacks.  Super Bowl snacks are usually the best.

Why am I not going? I have to save up my money for my move to Minnesota. That will be better than any trip to Vegas I’ve ever had.

In other news, BORING

Dear Sacramento,

Aren’t you sick of hearing this crap about the Sacramento Kings?  Since I moved to Sacramento in 2005 they have had one foot out the door.  Sorry, it was early 2006 when the “we’re going to Disneyland!” rumors started.  OK, not Disneyland proper, but Disneyland adjacent-ish, also known as Anaheim.

Would someone tell the Mayor that enough is enough.  Please work on real problems like the crappy roads around town or the school system that is kind of messed up.  Sure they aren’t as sexy or headline grabbing as a sports team coming to town, but they need attention and would make an actual difference in people’s lives.

I’ve written three blog posts about this subject.  That’s two too many.  However, it seems that more people are getting a clue about this bad relationship, but not everyone is convinced.

Seriously, please Google relationship advice, Sacramento.  As much as I’m against it, you obviously need it.  Or possibly a swift kick to the head, in a spiritual sense of course.

Fine. You’re lazy.  Here’s an article by Yahoo that should be helpful.  Let me know if this sounds familiar:

If the same situation is occurring over and over again in your relationship that is causing tension, it can also be a sign that your relationship is going nowhere fast.

or maybe this:

If the only reason that you’re holding on the relationship is because you believe he/she will change, there is a huge issue.

Maybe Sacramento isn’t a big enough town for a major sports team.  Maybe we should embrace our size and find a minor sports team instead or just stick with the River Cats and be happy.

Look, Sacramento.  It’s not you.  Sometimes things don’t work out in the sports world.  Just accept it and let’s move on.

Manti Te’o Online Dating Gone Awry?

Here’s the one thing I’m sure of in this Manti Te’o situation.  Someone is lying.  Who, I’m not exactly sure.  Let’s examine what the media has finally decided to uncover.

Here are a few articles to read.  Feel free to Google more for yourself, but beware it’s a rabbit hole:

So, what do we know? A lot of crap.  Either this guy was duped or is a liar. Maybe a little of both? First of all, be it from the way these journalists write or the fact that they just don’t have the time to check facts, this guy possibly dated this chick for three years without ever meeting her in person.

Not once but twice after he supposedly discovered his online girlfriend of three years never even existed, Notre Dame All-American linebacker Manti Te’o perpetuated the heartbreaking story about her death.

That quote is from the AP article.  See what I mean?  The Deadspin.com article says they started “dating” in 2012.  Well, he called her his girl friend in early 2012, but I suppose they could have been dating before that.  We all know how that can label can be fuzzy even when you meet in a bar or other traditional dating venue.

Everyone knows that the first rule of online dating is that it’s just a way to meet in real life.  If the person you are chatting up doesn’t ever seem to be able to meet in real life, you move on…quickly.  It’s a sign that something is amiss.

Now I know there are lonely people out there who want to believe that the person they’ve been interacting with for months is truly into them, but I have a difficult time believing a football player at a college like Notre Dame doesn’t have chicks flinging themselves at him on a regular basis.

Also, how could his friends not know that something weird was going on? They are there with him daily, right? Didn’t they go, “Um where is this girlfriend of yours?  Why isn’t she visiting you or you visiting her?”  Did none of his friends go, “Something’s not right with that woman you are dating, my friend.”

I can understand how he might have embellished the truth to his family.  He’s Mormon and might have had some pressure to get married, but just wasn’t having any luck, so he just told them what they wanted to hear to get them off his back.  I’m just speculating.  None of that could be true, but if it was the case, I think some of us could empathize.

Maybe it was a combination of him being scammed and him lying to his family about how much interaction he had with this person in real life.  Or maybe his dad did the embellishing, who knows?  Someone knows and it seems that no one is telling the truth.

It’s kind of like when you were a kid and someone misbehaved, but wouldn’t fess up to it, so your mom said, “Fine!  You’re all in trouble then!”  That’s how I feel, “Fine!  You’re all liars!”  No one wants to man up and tell the truth then everyone is in trouble.

Journalists are in trouble too.  Yes, I know you’re all overworked, underpaid and on the verge of being replaced by holograms, but does that mean you need to take what everyone says to you as the truth?  Did no one go, “Your grandmother and your girlfriend died within hours of each other?” (Raises eyebrow in skepticism) “That seems odd…”

Apparently not.  And sorry, but I really can’t trust what a college says these days, and a Catholic one is like a double whammy. I mean if colleges are willing to cover up the rape of little boys to protect their football programs, who is to say that they aren’t going to do whatever it takes to protect that same program when they find out a star player is involved in some ridiculous online dating scam and may or may not be lying about it?

Travel Tales: Twin Cities (Part Deux)

University of Minnesota

University of Minnesota

My trip to the Twin Cities was full of firsts.  I finally got kissed at midnight on New Year’s Eve.  Yes, it took me 38 years for that to happen.  It might seem sad, but it was definitely worth the wait.

Also, Paul took me to my first hockey game.  It was a lot of fun.  Apparently, I’m more into sports than the average woman.  Or maybe that’s just a stupid stereotype…either way, I don’t necessarily like playing sports.  I just like watching them.

Being from California, we don’t get many opportunities to watch hockey.  Yes, I know, we have the San Jose Sharks, but I never got around to seeing a game.  Or is it a match?  Why am I over thinking this??  Maybe it’s just more ingrained in the culture in the Midwest since it you know snows there, but they sure do like their hockey.

The only part of the game I didn’t really like was when they would slam into the boards.  It was just a minor irritation.  I just don’t like the idea of those boys getting hurt.  I know. I watch football and they have worse injuries at those games, but the sound of a body slamming into that construction didn’t set well with me.

Zamboni!

Watching the Zamboni clean the ice is always interesting.  I don’t know what’s so hypnotizing about that machine.  They had little kids riding around on it.  They all looked happy to be out there.  I would be freaked out and probably a little bored if I was just riding around on that machine.  The whole time I’m be worried I was going to fall mixed in with a little “Is this thing done yet?!?”

Antics on the ice

Antics on the ice

There were other antics like cheerleaders.  Yes, cheerleaders at a hockey game.  At first I totally scoffed, but then I saw that they were really ice skaters with pom-poms, so I gave them a little more respect after a double axle or two.

And of course, the mascot, Goldy got into the mix.  I’m not sure if the kids in the giant plastic balls being pushed by a giant gopher is ironic or just poetic.  I do know that it was hilarious.

Interesting side note:  The arena had free WiFi, so you could post silly pictures on Facebook and instagram when you weren’t watching for flying pucks.

Aren't we cute in our jerseys??

Aren’t we cute in our jerseys??

Gold medal me.

One thing I truly love about the Olympics are the totally random sports that get to be played.  In fact, I am inspired to start taking one up.  Yes, me who hates the outdoors.  Me, who pretty much doesn’t understand the point of exercise.  Me, who is awful at playing games.

Archery intrigues me.  It was the only sport in PE that I enjoyed and in which I did well.  I can still remember “knock the arrow” when you are putting it on the string…I think…

I have no idea how to begin my quest to test my eye hand coordination, so I googled it like everything else.  I’m still not sure what to do.  There is a place up in Roseville or Rocklin that has lessons.  I guess that would be the best way to figure out if I really want to take up this hobby.  I mean if you want to play golf, you take lessons.  Shouldn’t archery be the same?

I came across this article in the Sacramento Bee and it said that it can cost almost $2,000 for the proper archery equipment.  Whoa.  That’s kind of pricey.  I’m not sure I’m ready for that kind of commitment.  Can’t I just rent something for a few lessons just to be sure it’s what I really want to do?  Kind of like dating?

Maybe I should just practice on the Wii for a few months and see if my attention can be kept long enough to sink two grand into this venture.

Random Thoughts on the Olympics’ Opening Ceremony

LondonSince they held me spellbound in 1980, I have loved the Olympics. The Opening Ceremony is the best part, but why in this day and age we don’t get to see it live is stupid. All of the spoilers are going to be found on the internet, so you might as well let us all share in the global experience at once.

After a little pouting, I knew I would end up watching the show anyway. I don’t think I’ve missed one in the past 32 years. Crap. Has it really been that long?

Pre-Game:

The local NBC affiliate was poolside at Thunder Valley Casino. What? I don’t understand the choice of venue either. It was chock full of human interest stories. Boring! Can you people take a page from the channels that have football on them? THAT’s how you do a pre-game show.

Overture:
Who is doing the voice over? Is it Robbie Williams? No. It’s Ewan McGregor. Still hot. There’s a chick talking too, but I’m too busy swooning over Obi-Wan Kenobi. Personally, I would rather see scenes of Great Britain than those of the athletes.

Really, NBC? You couldn’t find ANYONE else to be the host aside from Bob Costas? I guess I should just be thankful Joe Buck didn’t manage to finagle his way on to your station. Yeah, he’s talking to Tom Brokaw about something boring.

Great. Now it’s Matt Lauer & Meredith Viera. SNOOZE. Is there anyone with a personality on this network? Apparently there are five people on this planet who have no idea about the UK and these two are going to describe it to them.

Why is it the Women’s Gymnastics team? These are girls. Is anyone over the age of 15? Good lord. Why are we talking to them? And how the hell did Seacrest get on this network?!? Now I have to keep a sharp eye out for Buck.

Wow. The show came back and I thought it was just a commercial. Maybe it is a commercial…a post modern-commercial that is parading around like a show. Oh you, Brits and your clever ways!

Ok, the popping balloon countdown was awesome. Is there a cow in the middle of the arena?

The bell was cast in a foundry that has been there for 5 centuries? That blows my mind.

The royal family looks as bored as I feel.

There’s alot of shit going on in that arena, but we keep being treated to singing children and random footage of Australian football. What the hell, NBC?

And presenting Kenneth Branaugh as Charles Dickens?

What is up with the men looking on in awe? What are they looking at? The Englishman who walked up a hill and came down a mountain?

Commercial break.

Is this Stomp? I thought that was an American thing. Oh…thank you for clarifying Meredith…this is a history of England. No more pastoral, now the dirty Industrial Age. The British Sheila E is on percussion.

I am impressed by the set. It looks like a huge feat to build that pastoral setting.

The change over to the industrial age is taking as long as the actual industrial age.

Holy Crap! Sargent Pepper is going to fight in World War I! I had no idea. I really should pay attention in history class.

And now we are back to the Dickensian gentlemen playing pool. This is the weirdest Opening Ceremony yet. It’s kind of like an acid trip. Not that I know what that’s like…

Commercial break.

Goddamnit, Brits! You fooled me again. I thought this Daniel Craig thing was a commercial. Would you please let me know when you are done selling me crap?

Of course, I heard about the Queen falling out of helicopter as her arrival. Thanks for not allowing me to see that live, NBC. I don’t know if you know this, but the internet is really taking off. You can find out anything as it happens. AS IT HAPPENS!

I enjoy the fact that the British are celebrating their healthcare system. It’s like a big ol’ “In your face, USA!”

It was raining Mary Poppins and there was a giant Voldemort. I love English literature, but where was the Jane Austen? Heck, what about Oscar Wilde? Can we class it up a little folks? This acid trip of children’s stories is kind of creepy.

Giant baby! No!!!

Commercial break.

So far, the dancing Abraham Lincolns have been the best part of the show. But, Mr. Bean is pretty awesome. Seriously, watch his old shows. They are hilarious. The Christmas episode is the best one.

I keep getting sucked into the show. Mr. Bean doing a Chariots of Fire parody is great. I hate Chariots of Fire, but love Mr. Bean.

Now we have come to the part I saw on some random online channel. Hello, British music! Totally forgot that Eric Clapton is British. I saw someone tweet that the UK is the creative capital of the world. They are right. So many great bands and literature have come out of that country. I’m not putting down other countries, just marveling at the wonder that comes out of the British Isles.

Commercial break

There is no need for announcers. Just let us watch the show until the nations start parading around!

The Parade of Nations is my favorite part. I like guessing how many athletes the little countries have… Also, trying to play “how many people live in this country?” Price is Right rules… Whoever guesses without out going over wins.

My only other real beef is that this show is 4 hours long. By the time the United States parades through the stadium, I’m all out of witticisms. I just want to go to sleep. Maybe if we cut down on the literary acid trip and dancing Dickensians, I might not doze off when Latvia walks on to the field. That’s still a country, right?