Random Thoughts on the Olympics’ Opening Ceremony

LondonSince they held me spellbound in 1980, I have loved the Olympics. The Opening Ceremony is the best part, but why in this day and age we don’t get to see it live is stupid. All of the spoilers are going to be found on the internet, so you might as well let us all share in the global experience at once.

After a little pouting, I knew I would end up watching the show anyway. I don’t think I’ve missed one in the past 32 years. Crap. Has it really been that long?


The local NBC affiliate was poolside at Thunder Valley Casino. What? I don’t understand the choice of venue either. It was chock full of human interest stories. Boring! Can you people take a page from the channels that have football on them? THAT’s how you do a pre-game show.

Who is doing the voice over? Is it Robbie Williams? No. It’s Ewan McGregor. Still hot. There’s a chick talking too, but I’m too busy swooning over Obi-Wan Kenobi. Personally, I would rather see scenes of Great Britain than those of the athletes.

Really, NBC? You couldn’t find ANYONE else to be the host aside from Bob Costas? I guess I should just be thankful Joe Buck didn’t manage to finagle his way on to your station. Yeah, he’s talking to Tom Brokaw about something boring.

Great. Now it’s Matt Lauer & Meredith Viera. SNOOZE. Is there anyone with a personality on this network? Apparently there are five people on this planet who have no idea about the UK and these two are going to describe it to them.

Why is it the Women’s Gymnastics team? These are girls. Is anyone over the age of 15? Good lord. Why are we talking to them? And how the hell did Seacrest get on this network?!? Now I have to keep a sharp eye out for Buck.

Wow. The show came back and I thought it was just a commercial. Maybe it is a commercial…a post modern-commercial that is parading around like a show. Oh you, Brits and your clever ways!

Ok, the popping balloon countdown was awesome. Is there a cow in the middle of the arena?

The bell was cast in a foundry that has been there for 5 centuries? That blows my mind.

The royal family looks as bored as I feel.

There’s alot of shit going on in that arena, but we keep being treated to singing children and random footage of Australian football. What the hell, NBC?

And presenting Kenneth Branaugh as Charles Dickens?

What is up with the men looking on in awe? What are they looking at? The Englishman who walked up a hill and came down a mountain?

Commercial break.

Is this Stomp? I thought that was an American thing. Oh…thank you for clarifying Meredith…this is a history of England. No more pastoral, now the dirty Industrial Age. The British Sheila E is on percussion.

I am impressed by the set. It looks like a huge feat to build that pastoral setting.

The change over to the industrial age is taking as long as the actual industrial age.

Holy Crap! Sargent Pepper is going to fight in World War I! I had no idea. I really should pay attention in history class.

And now we are back to the Dickensian gentlemen playing pool. This is the weirdest Opening Ceremony yet. It’s kind of like an acid trip. Not that I know what that’s like…

Commercial break.

Goddamnit, Brits! You fooled me again. I thought this Daniel Craig thing was a commercial. Would you please let me know when you are done selling me crap?

Of course, I heard about the Queen falling out of helicopter as her arrival. Thanks for not allowing me to see that live, NBC. I don’t know if you know this, but the internet is really taking off. You can find out anything as it happens. AS IT HAPPENS!

I enjoy the fact that the British are celebrating their healthcare system. It’s like a big ol’ “In your face, USA!”

It was raining Mary Poppins and there was a giant Voldemort. I love English literature, but where was the Jane Austen? Heck, what about Oscar Wilde? Can we class it up a little folks? This acid trip of children’s stories is kind of creepy.

Giant baby! No!!!

Commercial break.

So far, the dancing Abraham Lincolns have been the best part of the show. But, Mr. Bean is pretty awesome. Seriously, watch his old shows. They are hilarious. The Christmas episode is the best one.

I keep getting sucked into the show. Mr. Bean doing a Chariots of Fire parody is great. I hate Chariots of Fire, but love Mr. Bean.

Now we have come to the part I saw on some random online channel. Hello, British music! Totally forgot that Eric Clapton is British. I saw someone tweet that the UK is the creative capital of the world. They are right. So many great bands and literature have come out of that country. I’m not putting down other countries, just marveling at the wonder that comes out of the British Isles.

Commercial break

There is no need for announcers. Just let us watch the show until the nations start parading around!

The Parade of Nations is my favorite part. I like guessing how many athletes the little countries have… Also, trying to play “how many people live in this country?” Price is Right rules… Whoever guesses without out going over wins.

My only other real beef is that this show is 4 hours long. By the time the United States parades through the stadium, I’m all out of witticisms. I just want to go to sleep. Maybe if we cut down on the literary acid trip and dancing Dickensians, I might not doze off when Latvia walks on to the field. That’s still a country, right?

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