Dating Advice: One weird tip

Dating Advice: One weird tipI totally hooked you in with that title. My dating advice isn’t actually weird. It’s pretty simple actually. Maybe that makes it weird.

Dating is frustrating. I know. I did it for 20 years before I got married. I watched friend after friend and relative after relative walk down the aisle. Here’s my dating advice to you: It’s OK.

It’s OK if it doesn’t happen fast. It’s OK if you end up getting dumped. It’s OK if you can’t find someone in the next three months. It’s OK if you only have three dates in the next three years.

It’s OK if you are afraid. It’s OK if you are annoyed. It’s OK if you are tired. It’s OK if you are lonely.

Dating Advice: That’s not how any of this works.

It really pisses me off when I hear people say things like: “If I don’t find a date soon, my mom is going to put a billboard up to find me one.”

As if finding a decent romantic partner is as simple as filling an order at a fast food restaurant?

Maybe that’s why the divorce rate was so high. People used to take whoever they could get in order to fulfill some societal norm. Nowadays, people want a good partner, not just someone to help pass along their DNA. Quality can take time. The pool is much larger!

So what if you haven’t found your one true love yet or even “let’s see how this person pans out after five dates?” This isn’t a fairytale. This is life. Heck, corporate mergers take a long time to come to fruition and those don’t always pan out for the best in the long run either, right? Why should dating be quick and easy? Do you know how many variables go into a date?!? That might be fodder for another post or an entire book.

Just remember this dating advice: It’s OK.

Read more of my dating nonsense on my blog by clicking this link.

Relationship non-advice: relationships are work

Relationships are work...and other obvious statementsWhy are so many people shocked that relationships are work? Didn’t you pay attention to your parents? Do you remember the arguments with your siblings?  Seriously. Relationships OF ALL KINDS are work.  Your friends, your good friends, piss you off sometimes, but you work through it.

Please, for the love of God, don’t compare your life to pieces of fiction.  Romantic comedies are fake. They are edited to make a story interesting, just like the Bachelor…except that’s not interesting or funny, so bad example of romantic comedy and TV in general…but still fake.

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Your dream guy? Hank Hill

I spent a very large portion of my life thus far as a single, unattached gal.  Dating pretty much sucks. Lately, I’ve been watching King of the Hill while trying to fall asleep and it dawned on me that Hank Hill is the ideal husband.

Ok, stop laughing. I’m serious.

Hank Hill is the ideal husband...stop laughing.Ideal husband qualities

Think about it. Hank is reliable. He knows how to fix stuff. He’s honorable. You could trust him with anything. He’s not going to beat you. He’s going to respect you.  He likes beer, but he’s not a drunk. He doesn’t put up with stupid crap and will kick someone’s ass if need be.

When he needs to, he’ll take charge of a situation. He also judges people based on their character, something we should all do. He’s the guy people look to for help.

Granted, he’s not perfect, but perfect people are boring.

Yes, he’s a little closed minded and very conservative, but overall, he’s a good guy.  That’s what really matters, being a good person.

Of course, Paul displays all of the good Hank qualities, as well as being the funniest person I know, but luckily, he’s more affectionate than Hank.  Although, Hank might have been affectionate with his wife and we just didn’t see it.

I know finding a Hank Hill isn’t easy. Believe me. It took me decades to find Paul, but keep looking. Good guys are out there. You just have to keep looking.

Dating Chronicles: Thanks, but no thanks

Anyone who has spent even a few minutes in the dating world knows that people can be less than nice…OK, down right rude.  Most of the time though, you just get radio silence.  It’s sadly rare to get a respectful blow off.

Here’s the thing, rejection sucks.  The only thing you can do is treat someone the way you’d want to be treated in their shoes.

Today, I saw this post on Buzzfeed: This Is One Of The Most Brutal Responses To A Breakup Text You’ll Ever See.  It’s fascinating to see everyone react to it.

My initial reaction was, “What’s her problem? At least she didn’t get completely ignored.”

As someone who in the past has been dumped with regularity, seeing a guy respectfully say to her thanks, but no thanks, was refreshing.  Of course, I’ve said that to a guy and he didn’t take it well. I meant it sincerely, but his ego wanted to be pissed off.

Then I see she sent screen shots of text messages to his boss? Wow. Calm down there, lady.

This man didn’t wrong you as far as I can tell. He didn’t lie to you for years, physically or mentally abuse you, cheat on you with countless women and/or steal money from you.

He simply dumped you.

It happens to EVERYONE. And yes, it sucks the big one and I’m sorry it happened to you, but from my experience, it’s for the best. The universe might be trying to tell you something. What? I have no idea. You have to figure that out for yourself.

I will admit to overreacting to being dumped.  I was young and letting my ego get out of control. Luckily, it was before blogs and internets.

Here’s the other thing, every woman wants to be in a relationship. You’re lying to yourself if you weren’t considering it even on date one.  That doesn’t make a relationship the end all be all of your existence. It just enhances it.  There’s nothing wrong with being single and don’t let yourself tell you any different.

Relationship Firsts: An anniversary

KeychainFor the first time in my life, I am celebrating a dating anniversary. No, this isn’t one of those, “We’ve been together for a month, so let’s Facebook it to death, schmoopie” things. One year ago on August 31st, I met the man of my dreams. I can still remember seeing him come down the escalator at the airport. I think that’s the moment I fell in love.

For those who have read my blog, you know that Paul and I met through Twitter. For those too lazy to click through the links, we chatted for a year before he jumped on a plane and flew half way across the country to visit a woman he’d only known digitally.

Sometimes in life you have to take what seems like a huge risk.  Love and logic don’t always go together. In fact, I’m pretty sure they live in different worlds.

The last year of my life has seen many, many changes, not just the time zone in which I live.  I’ve actually been in an adult relationship for a year! YAY! Miracles do happen!

If you are feeling down about your dating life, I have this one piece of advice: Have hope. I truly believe there is someone out there for everyone.

Like I’ve said before, I cannot tell you anything else because most relationship advice is bunk.  People show up in your life when you are looking for them. I was looking for a boyfriend and finally found Paul. There’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t need a coach. People hook up (or get married) all the time who have had no training and fewer IQ points.  It’s probably just a timing issue.

I know I got lucky with Paul.  He’s a real live grown up like me. As you can see from the Valentine’s Day post, he’s also a “romance ninja!” I am thankful for him every day.

I still can’t believe I’m living with him in Minnesota. It’s amazing. I’m in love with this awesome guy and get to hang out with him every day! And he loves me and has just as much fun with me.

We’re still in that “honeymoon” phase. I hate that saying. It makes me think that this wonderful feeling of being in love will just disappear.  I think it will just deepen.

I hope, a year from now, I’m still randomly kissing his cheek because I feel like it. I hope, a year from now, we are still laughing at silly inside jokes about cat breakfast and paleo dog food. I hope, a year from now, we are looking for Peanuts Statues around the Twin Cities. I hope, a year from now, we are still holding hands while sitting on the couch.

Relationship Milestone: Furniture shopping

furniture, living room, family room, shoppingI have a love/hate relationship with furniture shopping. On the one hand, I love having new items decorating my home. On the other, I’m cheap.

This past weekend, Paul and I went shopping for furniture for our new home. Oddly enough, it was actually pleasant. We seem to be on the same page about the important furniture issues, value, seating number, cuddle wedges or cuddlers

It’s not simply a matter of which material do we like, it’s more like do I want to be able to rearrange a couch, love seat and chair for $999 or just throw a sectional in the corner for $999?  Paul just wants to be able to sit and of course, for me to be happy. (Go ahead and barf at that sweetness…)

furniture, living room, family room, shoppingThen of course there is the bed issue. This can be a bit of a problem. Paul likes soft beds while I prefer firm ones. Seriously, I cannot deal with a bed in which I sink and can’t roll over without grunting like I’m trying to encourage a bowel movement.  Too much?  Fortunately, there is a compromise available.

One funny thing, I had to control myself while testing the couches. Whenever I sat down next to Paul, I wanted to lean over and kiss him.  While lying on the beds, I had no temptation. Probably because I felt self conscious about my double chin while talking to the sales lady.

Paul was very patient. We only went to three stores, but trying to logically solve the furniture equation without going bankrupt can be well…trying. Luckily, he is a little more liberal with our budget than I am.  I’d prefer to pay $100 for a couch, but then it will last like a $100 couch.

Either way, we didn’t have an argument. We shouldn’t.  We are still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship.  How long does that phase last? A year? Two?  Regardless, furniture shopping can show you true colors. Did he get bored quickly? Did she get annoyed at his taste? Did we act like adults?