Equality for all: Single does not equal broken

americana, USA, flag, independenceIn light of the recent developments in marriage equality, I’d like to address the concerns of single people.

There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with being single. I’m sick and tired of society pressuring everyone to couple up as quickly as possible and if they don’t (or can’t) then they are obviously broken.

I’ve seen the most fucked up individuals in relationships. Seriously, these people need (and were not getting) psychological help. They were mentally abusive to whoever they were currently married to or dating. But, they are regarded as normal when compared to a woman over 30 who is single and childless.

I just got an email from a PR company about a new book that came out about one woman’s dating adventures. No, it’s not mine. This sentence in the email set me off: “Sarah was celebrating her 33rd year on the planet when she realized something alarming: it was her ninth consecutive birthday without a boyfriend…”

First of all, in the 39 years I’ve been on this planet, I’ve only had TWO birthdays during which I had a boyfriend. And yes, while being single was a source of pain for me, it wasn’t because I wanted to hurry up, get married and have babies (PANIC! ALARM!). I was simply lonely. I wanted a companion.

Second of all, if a man over the age of 21 goes nine birthdays without a significant other, no one even blinks.

Here are the only things that I know are true about being single:

  • Odds are you are doing nothing wrong.
  • Odds are it’s just not the right time yet (as maddening as that statement is). The universe works in mysterious ways.
  • Self-help books are not helpful for dating. They can help you feel better about yourself, but they won’t find a date for you on Friday night or something a little more lasting.
  • There’s nothing wrong with being single. You have a shitton of freedom.
  • It’s better to be single than in a bad relationship (even though society says otherwise).

Can we as a society just calm the hell down and let people be single without pressuring them into relationships?

Can we also stop pressuring people to marry so damn early? When I was in my early to mid 20s, I was an idiot. I knew I was an idiot. I felt like I was still 18 until I was about 30. The more grown up a person is when they do get married and have babies, the better chance they will have of staying married. And that of course is based on tons of scientific research…known as common sense.

2 thoughts on “Equality for all: Single does not equal broken

  1. Melissa Marie

    I was just looking at travel deals on all those discount group deal things and all the overseas ones are based on 2 people buying the deal. Which annoyed me. I GET it… that they get their money from two people. But I’d like to find the single person deal program that is okay with me sitting alone at dinner and getting a single’s massage. /whine.

    1. Amy Ruiz Post author

      There’s a lot of things out there that are unfair to the single and/or unmarried. Just look at health insurance. Some companies will give more compensation to those who have dependents (spouses or children) than those who don’t through money for an HSA . Personally, I think that’s discrimination, but apparently I’m the only one. I mean it’s illegal to compensate someone differently based on their marital or familial status, right? How is funding an HSA not considered compensation? Maybe that’s a whole other blog post…


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