Video games: Mario weeps for you.

video games, vintage, nintendo

I just stumped some kids by making Mario jump.

I’m worried about the next generation of kids.  I read this article yesterday on Play4Real and it basically says they can’t finish the first level of the original Super Mario Bros. That’s world 1-1…they can’t get to the flag at the end.  My junior high school self scoffs at them.

Seriously, what is wrong with these people?  The game couldn’t be simpler!  You run to the right. You jump over stuff to avoid death. If you are lucky, you get big and then you get to shoot fire at those random things in your way.

Apparently, these kids (or possibly adults) couldn’t grasp these concepts.

Wait. You know what is simpler?  Donkey Kong. You basically climb a broken down structure to save a princess from a giant gorilla.  You don’t get to shoot anything. If you are lucky, you get a hammer for a few seconds to pound the barrels.  Otherwise, you just have to run and jump. I wouldn’t be shocked if they looked at the gaming console and were baffled by the joystick.

Why is this concept so difficult for the kids today? I was 12 when I first played Super Mario Bros. I didn’t read the fucking manual and I still figured it out.  I fell down a hole and realized I probably shouldn’t do that again. I caught a coin and it didn’t kill me so I got a few more.  I also noted that the game was COUNTING how many of those things I kept getting, so I got more as I ran to the right.

It’s interesting that the kids wanted to have more right away in the game.  God forbid they have to earn the right to shoot fire at a Goomba.

Now I know why my nephew thought I was a genius when we played the Wii version of Super Mario Bros. Of course, he’s six years old, so he gets a pass on the not using the run button. If he was 13, I’d have an issue.

Forget it. I blame the parents.  Why are they not teaching their kids about the history of video games? Heck, when I was six or seven we had an Atari and my parents would play with me and my sister. I wonder if Space Invaders would blow those kids minds? They’d probably have a fit if they had to play Pong.

It’s like with movies.  You shouldn’t just be fed a diet of what is currently in theaters blowing up various American landmarks.  You should watch the classics and a wide variety of genres, not just the 15th installment of the Fast and/or the Furious or Saw 12.

If you don’t expand your horizons and use your brain, you will never pass world 1-1 and get to see the various obstacles Mario has to encounter before he reaches Bowser.

Gen X, did you know we were so smart back then?  And our parents thought we were slackers for playing video games.  We showed them!

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