Over the past four days, I’ve been experiencing this cavalcade of emotions. Mostly, I’m happier than I can ever remember. But being that I am me, I have moments of “What the hell am I doing?!?” and “What if…” Luckily, these are usually succeeded by a large dose of “Squee!” It’s that girly overwhelming feeling of excitement, anticipation and lust.
What is it that is creating this emotional melange? A gentleman caller is coming to visit me in a few weeks. I can’t believe it’s really going to happen. I’ve been imagining it for months. It’s going to be like a first date, but amplified and hopefully awesome for both of us. Which is good because first dates are passe for me. I’ve been on too many of them. They are rote. I need to break out from the traditional methods.
I need to take risks. I’m a rule abider in almost every aspect of my life. It’s just easier not to be hassled and follow the rules. But with regard to dating, the traditional methods have always fallen short for me. This visit is a crazy leap of faith. Sure I’ve interacted with this guy for about a year now, but he could still murder me in my sleep or worse, break my heart. But isn’t that the risk we all take in the dating world?
Actually, I’ve found that the less I try to control the situation, the more fun I have. Imagine that?
Sure there will be moments of awkwardness, but that’s usually overcome by alcohol and/or patience. Of course, he’s probably worrying about the same thing. Unless of course he’s just plotting my demise and packing his instruments of torture. But, it can’t be healthy to think like that right? I mean that’s why I stopped watching the news. I don’t want to think everyone is out to get me. I might miss out on someone extraordinary just because I was afraid.
Then again, if I’m not dead and it turns out horribly, you all will get an interesting blog post.