>Great Expectations

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>Whenever I go into an entertainment situation, be it watching a movie, a party or a date, and I have no expectations, I really enjoy myself. 

Tonight I went out on a really great date. Of course, when I got home and started marinating on it, I tried to spoil it for myself.  OK, so it really didn’t take that long for me to start letting the fear in.  When I’m in the car driving home, that’s when all the how comes, whys, and what abouts, roll around in my brain trying to break down the good feelings. 

My ego gets out of control when I find myself really liking a guy.  Fear is such a well known emotion for me and it’s taking a lot of work to overcome it. What happens on most dates is that I set up an arbitrary set of goals/rules and get disappointed when they are not met.  The guy in question has no idea what these dumb goals/rules are and half the time I don’t even know what they are until I realize they didn’t happen.   

The fear then manifests itself in stupid thoughts, “Am I letting him know I’m interested?  Am I acting too interested? Why didn’t he kiss me? Was there something in my teeth? Did I talk too much? Crap. I said ‘like’ too much again.” 

What I need to do is get the hell over myself, stop worrying and enjoy the moment.  Easier said than done, but sometimes alcohol helps turn off those expecations.

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