>The 12 Rules of Christmas

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  1. No mater how many years you’ve used the same amount of garland, it will always end in the front of the tree until you’ve jimmy rigged it at least three times.
  2. Someone will step on a Christmas light and you will not have a spare.
  3. Even if you put the tree in the same spot every year, you will have to move at least one piece of furniture to put it there again this year.
  4. That one Christmas song you can’t stand will be put on heavy rotation again this year by the local radio station and any store you happen to wander into to do your holiday shopping.
  5. One ornament or other decoration you really wanted to put out this year will be stolen by elves and hidden deep within your storage area.
  6. Ornaments in the shape of any character or building will always face true north, which is the inside of the tree.
  7. The one year you don’t put out that ugly ornament or hideous wreath Great Aunt Martha gave you, will be the year she decides to finally visit you during the holidays.
  8. If two people of the opposite sex attempt to decorate a tree together, an argument will ensue.
  9. If you spend anytime with your in-laws during the holidays, your own family will get jealous no matter how much time you spend with them during the rest of the year.
  10. Everyone claims to not like holiday office parties, yet they also will get quite disappointed when said parties are canceled.
  11. If there are children at a holiday gathering, pass on the cookies, unless you would enjoy a bout of whatever the little germ factories are carrying this year.
  12. If you are not done now, by December 20th, you will say the words, “Next year I’m starting my Christmas shopping in August!”

1 thought on “>The 12 Rules of Christmas

  1. Three

    >Rule No. 8: Last year was the first year I put up Christmas decor with a GF. She was against the idea (being raised Jehovah's Witness, she wasn't too keen on Christmas in general), but eventually relented.

    I suggested she come over, we'd have beer and put up the tree, since she'd likely never have to do it again in her life. She agreed.

    Once we got started, she really got into it. She actually hissed at me for putting up some ornaments. I said, "But you don't even *like* Christmas!" She said, "No, but I like putting things together, and you're messing things up!"

    After that experience, I've vowed never to decorate for Christmas with a woman ever again.


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