People of the Minneapolis Skyway

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Minneapolis, Minnesota, Skyway, downtownOver the past two months, I’ve noticed patterns people have while wandering through the Skyway in Minneapolis. First of all, as far as I can tell, Macy’s is the worst place to be between 11:30 AM and 1:00 PM on any given weekday. You basically have to walk through half of the second floor to get from one building to the next. Whenever you are in said department store next, picture hundreds of people rushing through the area in which you are trying to shop. Yeah. It’s like that.

But not everyone rushes. You will find those who are on their mobile phones. There are two kinds of these people. Those who are texting, tweeting or just surfing the web while they wander through the IDS Center. Yep, I’m guilty of doing that, but I stay to the right and try to keep up with the flow of traffic.

And then there are those who are actually using the phone as a phone. Of these people you will find two subsets. One is on the phone for business. These are usually the quiet ones. They are on some godforsaken conference call and decided to run to Starbucks in the middle of it. Hello, *6 to mute your line! The others won’t shut the hell up. They are talking to some poor soul who can’t hear them over the roar of people walking, ambiance music playing, and groups of Target employees having a mobile meeting.

Speaking of groups of people, you will see more of these folks as lunch time nears. Odds are they walk about 3 abreast and don’t move out of the way of oncoming pedestrian traffic due some subconscious psychological need to be the Alpha Dog in the group.

If you see folks wandering around in groups at other times, the odds are pretty good they are Target employees. Rarely will you ever see a lone Target employee wandering through the Skyway. I think it’s a corporate mandateā€¦or something. Don’t get mad Target. I kid because I love you.

Then there are the people who walk too damn close to me because they have to put out a fire in their conference rooms. Seriously, back the fuck off or I’ll cut you. I don’t care if you need to get to Caribou Coffee before the next meeting about TPS Reports. I need my personal space so I know you aren’t about to steal my purse or worse.

I am still baffled by the random appearance of strollers. I suppose they are new mothers who are stopping by the office to show off their babies, but some of those kids look to be a good year or two old.

Did I mention one time I saw a train of toddlers once? Literally. About 10 -15 of them were connected by some jimmy-rigged green belt that helped to corral them throughout the Skyway. I suppose they were on a field trip, but I doubt they were over the age of 5.

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