>I can’t get into the spirit of Christmas this year. It’s so bad, I don’t even want to put up a Christmas tree.
This happens to me every year, but this time it feels worse. As odd as it may sound, I’m thankful for my job. It keeps me so busy, I don’t have time to dwell on the depression and loneliness. The weekends are tough because I have nothing to do. I try to sleep as much as possible instead of self-medicating with food.
This weekend I went to a holiday party and was overwhelmed by the realization that I probably will be single for the rest of my life. The guy I have a little crush on was there, but I didn’t get to say more than “Hello” to him before I had to leave the party. Someone had the bright idea to include the kids (instead of being civilized and getting a sitter like our parents did), so of course after only being there for an hour, my nephew threw a tantrum because it was past his bedtime. Since my sister was my ride home, I had no choice but to leave with her. That was when I had my unfortunate epiphany. I pretty much went home and had a breakdown.
While at work today, I saw a Christmas card that said, “Find joy in the things that you give instead of the things that you receive.” It actually made me feel a lot better. I have a tendency to focus on what’s missing from my life instead of what I already have. These negative feelings of bitterness and sadness won’t help me have a better life.