>Things I overheard at work:
“How did you get Hepatitis C?”
“You’re a cheap drunk, huh?”
“Candy is my crack, cocaine, and heroin all wrapped up in a delicious chocolate coating.”
“She was attacked by a 70 year old man while waiting in line at Costco.”
“Apparently, I’m not interesting enough to have lunch with, but it’s OK to eat my baked goods.”
“I’m fat, poor, and single. By all accounts, society says I should jump off the Golden Gate Bridge as soon as possible.”
>I overheard the following:
Little Boy: “Mom, what’s a basement?”
Mom: “Well, the class I’m going to attend over at Sac State is in a room that (blah blah blah)”
Sum it up for the poor kid! It’s the lowest level in a building, usually underground! Why do some people feel the need to explain too damn much?
Chocolate is a poor substitute for affection, but it’s easier for me to obtain.
I’d really like a glass of wine right now.
If I won the lottery tomorrow, I’d hire someone to take out my garbage twice a week and clean out the catbox.
>I’m tired of feeling like an outcast simply because I’m sane.
I’m sick of these weird names people are giving their children. I know someone who actually named their kid Talon! Are you trying to turn your son into a character in a bad romance novel or crappy soap opera?
I’m also tired of married women assuming that I’m going to steal their husbands, simply because I’m single. Honey, I don’t want your lame ass husband. I’m just talking to him because he’s there and I’m bored. Besides, the karmic payback for breaking up a relationship is something I’d rather not experience.
I’d also like to state that if I’m destined to be single for the rest of my life, I think I should be allowed to win the lottery. Since my love life is in the shitter, can I at least have some cash? And no the hot guy did not show up at the BBQ. I was the only single person at the event. Not to mention only one of two women who did not have children or a child on the way. There were 4 count them 4 pregnant women there! I’m pretty sure it was one of my own personal hells. Thank God for booze.