>Don’t Piss Me Off

      4 Comments on >Don’t Piss Me Off

>I come back from the grocery store, car loaded with items to make Christmas party appetizers and cookies to find a car blocking my driveway. I had just spent two hours running around Safeway to find most of it ransacked by last night’s customers. This was not the welcome home I needed.

At first I thought the driver was in the car, so I did the creep up as my garage door opened. Nothing happened, so I did the courtesy, “Wake up fuckface!” short honk. As my anger cleared my vision, I realized that the driver had abandoned said car. There were no hazards flashing to indicate, “Sorry, I had to make a pitstop and I’ll be right back.” It was full on parked in front of only my garage.

A burst of uncontrollable irritation swept through me and into the horn. I did the loud, long, “Hey, fucker! Get down here and more your car you asshole!” honk. I waited as patiently as my rapidly boiling fury would allow. Then I remembered the groceries slowing edging towards rotten in my trunk.

In order to wear off some of my wrath, I took action. I slammed every door I could in order to shake up whomever was having their ne’er-do-well visitor park in front of the garage I pay $50 a month to tuck my sensitive Beetle away in. Groceries were strewn all over my living room and I threw a bag of perishables in the fridge. I came back out, still nothing. It’s been 10 minutes now since I first pulled up.

I got back in my car and called the cops. Since I just rent an apartment, there was nothing the cops could do except run the plate to see if the car was stolen, which unfortunately it wasn’t. The dispatcher told me to call the manager because they more than likely have a contract with a towing company.

I call the management office and of course, they are closed because it’s not 10:00 am yet. I left a message as calmly as my simmering rage would allow. I sat in my car and was plotting how to best deal with the furious storm brewing in my mind when this sketchy looking grey haired hippie with no teeth and a bunch of clothes on hangers runs up to the car. “I’m sorry! She told me the wrong place.”

“I see.”

It took this jasswipe almost half an hour to get back to his damn car.

I don’t care if people double park if they are reasonable about it. If you seriously have a five minute situation to deal with, then fine double park. I can understand if there was a serious parking problem in my apartment complex, but I passed at least 7 decently distanced parking spots on my way to the garage. Besides, Dirty Hippie had to walk to a different building anyway, why not move the car accordingly?

4 thoughts on “>Don’t Piss Me Off

  1. Un-Named

    >i’ve been soooo tempted to carry a bottle of white shoe polish and write on these idiots windows who park in the fire lane and go do their grocerie shopping or in sitations like yours.

  2. SFChick74

    >You know…you’ve just given me an idea. Someone should market signs to keep in the car. They would be pre-printed with things like, “Move it or lose it, jerk.” “Thanks for dinging my door.” “Jesus told me to tell you to shut up.”

    You could just leave them on the windshield like the flyers for psychics and cell phones.

  3. Toad734

    >You should havd busted out the windows and just went to have a coffee or something then he would have no idea who did it. Or at least go get a big burrito and smash it on his windshield.

  4. SFChick74

    >I like the burrito idea. It’s not really destructive, but it’s messy and annoying. It was probably too early in the morning to find a burrito anywhere near by.


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