Dating Chronicles: Thanks, but no thanks

Anyone who has spent even a few minutes in the dating world knows that people can be less than nice…OK, down right rude.  Most of the time though, you just get radio silence.  It’s sadly rare to get a respectful blow off.

Here’s the thing, rejection sucks.  The only thing you can do is treat someone the way you’d want to be treated in their shoes.

Today, I saw this post on Buzzfeed: This Is One Of The Most Brutal Responses To A Breakup Text You’ll Ever See.  It’s fascinating to see everyone react to it.

My initial reaction was, “What’s her problem? At least she didn’t get completely ignored.”

As someone who in the past has been dumped with regularity, seeing a guy respectfully say to her thanks, but no thanks, was refreshing.  Of course, I’ve said that to a guy and he didn’t take it well. I meant it sincerely, but his ego wanted to be pissed off.

Then I see she sent screen shots of text messages to his boss? Wow. Calm down there, lady.

This man didn’t wrong you as far as I can tell. He didn’t lie to you for years, physically or mentally abuse you, cheat on you with countless women and/or steal money from you.

He simply dumped you.

It happens to EVERYONE. And yes, it sucks the big one and I’m sorry it happened to you, but from my experience, it’s for the best. The universe might be trying to tell you something. What? I have no idea. You have to figure that out for yourself.

I will admit to overreacting to being dumped.  I was young and letting my ego get out of control. Luckily, it was before blogs and internets.

Here’s the other thing, every woman wants to be in a relationship. You’re lying to yourself if you weren’t considering it even on date one.  That doesn’t make a relationship the end all be all of your existence. It just enhances it.  There’s nothing wrong with being single and don’t let yourself tell you any different.

That thing called duh.

Common sense isn’t common because it’s part of Darwinism. If survival of the fittest is the case, then common sense can’t be common. Only the strong survive. Unless insurance companies step in to protect the idiots who don’t have enough sense not to suck down some freon from a HVAC unit because they don’t want to pay out on ridiculous lawsuits…but I digress.

It really should be called something else, but because it’s pretty much engrained in my DNA, it’s difficult for me to understand that most people just don’t get what I get when I’m out in the world. They don’t see the simple steps they can take to ensure their safety or at least reduce their hassle level. And for me, that’s really what it’s all about, reducing the hassle level. Life is too short to be hassled by stupidity.

A great example of this is jaywalking. I have seen way too many people wandering through traffic. Seriously, one couple was almost hit by a bus. The couple barely blinked an eye at it. They just kept sauntering across Grand Avenue.

At almost every corner along my morning drive in downtown Minneapolis, I see at least one person impatiently jittering on the pavement when the red hand is upon them. They take a step or two off the sidewalk as though daring a driver to show some sort of weakness by slowing down because they don’t want the hassle of hitting a pedestrian. These are not distracted people. They are not texting. They are not talking on the phone. They might not really be awake, but they look annoyed.

People drive like that too. They don’t signal, but I can tell they want to change lanes because they hover around my car. Needless to say, I play dumb until they put on their damn blinker. Although there are times when I’m not really paying attention to the idiot in the next lane. I’m too busy focusing on the idiot in front of me. Hello, defensive driving.

With apologies to Petula Clark

Today I had an appointment downtown in Saint Paul.  The lights weren’t much brighter there because it was the middle of the day. And I certainly didn’t forget all my troubles or cares.

What I found odd, was that there was almost no one walking on the streets.  Sure there were a few sketchy folks wandering about…saying hello to me as I passed by…  They weren’t being friendly.  I lived in San Francisco long enough to know when a hello means hello and when it means someone is looking for trouble.

I just walked on the sidewalk to my destination, pissed off and making sure my face looked like I wasn’t going to take any shit as I clutched my purse.  Unfortunately, I had to have my phone out so I could figure out where the hell I was going.

I couldn’t park in the building of my appointment because the lot was full.  That didn’t bother me much.  I am used to parking challenges having lived in the Bay Area for 10 years. I parked in a building I thought was just down the block.  Of course, getting out of the building and to the street put me further away from my destination than I felt comfortable.

When I finally reached my appointment, cold hands, sweating from exertion, and slightly pissed at being in an area that felt about as safe as the Tenderloin or Upper Market (maybe I was being dramatic), I decided I would rather work in the suburbs than downtown.  I will work downtown if that’s where my dream job is, but I’d prefer the laid back attitude of the suburbs.  Plus, I could live close enough to work to have a short commute.

After my appointment, I noticed something in the elevator…a button that said “SKY” on the second floor of the building.

Intrigued, I pushed it.  If it lead me to a dead end, I would just get back in the elevator and put my “fuck off” face back on and make it to the car with the determination of my pioneer/conquistador ancestors.

The doors opened to…a shopping mecca. It was FILLED with people.  People who in every other city (at least on the West Coast) would have been at street level, wandering about in search of their coffee, lunch and/or business meetings.

Notice how few pedestrians are on the sidewalks.

Notice how few pedestrians are on the sidewalks.

In a daze, I remembered my Dad telling me about this place called a Skyway.  Some mythical place that included an interconnected series of walkways to various buildings.  I was nothing like I imagined.  It was freaking awesome!

Slowly, but surely my problem solving abilities returned to my awareness.  I found a map.  It had the building on it where I parked.  I didn’t have to go back downstairs to street level and face any likely imagined fear of being mugged.

After my Skyway experience, I began to wonder about the food trucks.  If most people downtown are wandering around on the 2nd floor, where do the food trucks congregate?  I know they probably only operate in the spring, but I still wonder.  Do people leave their wonderful tubes and meander outside to enjoy a gourmet treat or two?  I shall have to investigate.

Road Trip to Minnesota: Day 3 & 4 – Wyoming, Again!

Park your Tauntaun anywhere.

Park your Tauntaun anywhere.

We woke up ready to make the long trek to Omaha.  Apparently mother nature had other ideas.  We made it all the way to Rawlins when the road closed…AGAIN.  Granted it was snowing like hell and pretty treacherous out there, but we just wanted to keep on trucking.  This time we got further into Wyoming, but still nowhere near the Nebraska border.  So, we hunkered down, again, with everyone else who had been trapped along I-80 in Wyoming for the past two days.  Hotel rooms were scarce after 12:00 noon.

Day 4:  Still…in…Wyoming…  We had a plan.  Wake up at dawn and hit the road.  The snow finally stopped.  The sun was shining, but the wind was still blowing.  I’m pretty sure the wind never stops blowing in Wyoming.  Also, here’s a tip if you plan to travel across country, avoid Wyoming.   The only time it seems to be OK to cross is June through August.  I’ve heard that it can snow on July 4th, so be warned.

Regardless, determined to get the hell out of that state, we hopped in the car and made it all the way to Laramie before they shut down I-80 again.  It was maddening.  The sun was shining in Laramie, how could it be treacherous 50 miles down the road?  OK, fine.  It wasn’t the best conditions even to Laramie.  The wind was blowing like hell and snow was swirling everywhere.  We saw three different vehicles go off the road. I blame the drivers being stupid more than the road conditions.

Same state, south is icy, north is dry

Same state, south is icy, north is dry

Luckily, my friend Christi and her boyfriend met us for lunch in Laramie.  They were a HUGE help.  They broke the news that I-80 was unlikely to reopen again that day, but there was another way out of the state.  We headed north on some state highways, or as I like to call them, very nice back roads, to get to I-25 and then I-90.  So, north we went to Gillette and then finally east to Rapid City, South Dakota.

All I know is that we celebrated getting the hell out of Wyoming once we finally got to South Dakota.  I do have one last question for Wyoming.  What’s up with the red freeways?  The asphalt was red colored on I-25 and I-90.  It might be that way in South Dakota too, but it was dark by the time we arrived.

Mixing it up with some Sacramento Bloggers

frankfurter and beerYou would think that a beer crazy town like Sacramento would have a plethora of German themed bars or beirhalls if you will.

As far as I know, LowBrau is the only one. And while I was disappointed that there was no oompa-like polka music to be heard, it paled in comparison to the pleasure I got from the delicious frankfurter.

Also get your mind out of the gutter…but I thought it too as I wrote that sentence.

Regardless, yesterday I went to what will probably be my last Sacramento mixer. This one was put on by the Sacramento Bloggers group. If you are a blogger in Sacramento and you haven’t signed up on their site, what is your problem? They put together some really nifty shindigs.

Margaret Andrews, Nichole Beaudry and Stephanie Porter run the site devoted to all types of blogs based in the greater Sacramento area.

Their latest gathering took place at LowBrau, where they have plenty of mustards and other interesting sauces/toppings for your food. Who doesn’t love a good dipping sauce?

mustard

But, seriously, LowBrau, my first visit was during the SacTweetup held there. Like I said, I was hoping for a more traditional bier hall. A friend of mine, Jen, has a good rule of thumb:  You always have to give a place two chances before really deciding whether you like it or not. It’s sort of like dating.  She’s right. I’m glad I went back. While I’m not a huge fan of community tables, mostly because I’m anti-social, I do enjoy the self serve water station. Also, the servers were very friendly. And as most businesses know, good service goes a long way…even longer than good food.

What I love about going to Sacramento Blogger events is that you get an interesting cross section of people. You see people you’ve probably run into at other social media or blogging events in the area, but you also get the opportunity to meet new folks too. And you don’t just talk about blogging, although it’s a great way to break the ice.

Life: Risks and Rewards

I don’t think of myself as foolish. Foolish people don’t have a plan. I have a plan. It may not be the best one, but at least I’ve got one. Moving to Minnesota to be with Paul feels like the right thing to do. Every time I think about being with him, I smile.

It never occurred to me that some people who hear our story might think I’m being a silly woman by giving up my life and moving out to be with him. I’m not giving up my life. I’m starting a new one.

A goal I am aiming to reach.

A goal I am aiming to reach.

I’m in my late 30s. Years and years of experience are under my belt.  I’ve lived on my own for a very long time. It’s time to try something completely different. I wasn’t always happy with my life. Correction, I was mostly happy, but something was always missing. Now, I have the opportunity not only to be with the man I love, but to also change career paths, reinvent myself professionally.

If you ask me, I’m being courageous.  Not many people have the guts to do what brings them joy.  They fear the unknown. They prefer the devil they know versus the devil they don’t. I know in my gut, I’m doing the right thing.

Sure, I don’t have a job lined up yet, but I’m not going to worry about that. I have a plan and I’m going to let the universe put me where I need to be. The right job will come along. I know it will. Until then, I’ve got savings and I can do temp work. See, a plan.

Maybe I’m meant to be in a whole different industry. Maybe I’m meant to start my own company. The possibilities are endless.  I’m open to whatever the universe wants me to do to earn a living.  My dream job is one where someone pays me to write, be it on social media, general marketing, or even just on the back of a napkin.

What I do know is that my goal is to expand my writing career. I make a little money at it now, but I’d like it to be more substantial. Writing is truly a joy for me. Sure, I’m good at being someone’s assistant, but it’s not where my joy lies. I want to be creative, not just pay bills anymore.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m going to do something to pay my bills. I like buying stuff and traveling, but more energy will be put into my creativity and do more things that bring me joy…Like moving to Minnesota to be with Paul. It might be a little scary, but that risk is definitely work taking.  Like Paul wrote on that chalkboard in Caribou Coffee, my goal is to be more awesome.