Over the past few days, I was plagued by those awful, “I’m going to be alone forever. I’m never going to be in a relationship.” thoughts. Because I’m a writer and need to communicate my feelings with the world, I sent out a few woe is me tweets.
One of the women I’ve known online for a few years responded and mentioned a dating coach.
The odd thing about this is that she is married and has been for some time, so I doubt that she’s used his services. But, I know she was just trying to be helpful.
Here’s what pisses me off about dating coaches. Millions and millions of people get happily married all the time. They don’t have any special powers. They don’t use tricks. They don’t have any more wisdom than anyone else. Yet, dating coaches prey on a person’s insecurities. Maybe I didn’t make enough eye contact. Maybe I didn’t smile enough. Maybe men really are all assholes and I need to learn how to play games to keep them around. Maybe all women are crazy and you have to treat them like crap to keep them coming back for more.
Why do I have to learn tricks when most other women seemingly fall into a relationship without them? Think like a man? Why? I’m a woman. I don’t want to date a man who thinks like a woman. Where’s the fun in that?
Why is it that I always do something wrong? I don’t look for assholes. I just seem to end up dating them. To be fair, the assholes haven’t been the majority of my dates. It just seems like it when I feel depressed.
It seems to me that I have to achieve this zen “I don’t give a shit” state of mind when it comes to dating. Only then a great guy will magically appear, according to conventional wisdom.
If there’s one thing I know to be true about any advice, if someone says that their method is “foolproof” or “can’t lose” or any synonym thereof, whatever they are about to feed you is crap. Nothing is foolproof. There are always exceptions to everything. Also, statistics are dubious 98.9% of the time.
Personally, anyone who gives out relationship advice and isn’t a licensed medical professional is suspect to me and even then I harbor doubts. No one has the perfect relationship. No one is successful in the dating world. Married people forget or sometimes don’t even know what it’s like to be single for decades. Why should I take advice from a guy who acted like all the men I’ve dated? What made him finally get married? Did his wife use the tricks in his book on him? Show me your experience & qualifications. Give me your references.
The thing is that I know dating coaches aren’t evil. They truly want to help people who need it. Believe me, we all need help. It’s just hard for me to believe that dating wisdom which basically guarantees me a mate can be packed into a handy 30 page book for $29.95.