>Online dating: Only the names will change

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You know that line from that Bon Jovi song? “It’s all the same… only the names will change.” That totally describes most guy’s online dating profile.

Yes, I know I’m taking that lyric out of context and it probably relates to alcohol abuse or masturbation, but it seems appropriate.

Want to know what most guys say on their profiles? Here’s a summary:

  • I like to hike 
  • I’m laid back 
  • I’m easy going 
  • I’m looking for my best friend/partner 
  • I work hard and play harder 
  • I love being outdoors 
  • I’m down to earth 
  • I’m sarcastic 
  • I’m healthy/active/fit 
  • I hate talking/writing about myself 
  • I’m funny/have a great sense of humor 
  • Ask me anything

How am I supposed to find a guy that keeps my interest for longer than 5 minutes if I’m bored with their profiles?

Yes, I know I should be nicer, but why?

Here is a message I recently received. It’s similar to most of the messages sent to me over the past year and a half.  More likely than not, it was a cut and paste job:

Hi, hows your week? If my profile catches your eye,id love to chat.

My unsent reply:

Dear Dating Dude: 

I doubt chatting is what you’d love to do with me. Your profile was riddled with cliches and told me absolutely nothing about you. I only looked at it to prove to myself that you are, in fact, boring. 

What, aside from my photo, could have possibly possessed you to contact me? Did you read my profile? Do you know how much effort it took to write it? Thanks for wasting my time. 

Show me that you actually will put some effort into the possible relationship your profile says are attempting to start. Show me that you are interesting. 

You mentioned your job three times in your profile without actually saying what the hell it is you do. According to the random photos you posted, it looks like it takes place at a bar, a national forest or a backyard grill. 

Ugh, you might as well have just used the word “cuddle” gratuitously throughout your profile.

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