Random Thoughts: What am I doing here?

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Overall, I’m happy. The only real problem that I have now is that I need some stability.

During the past 18 months, there has been a lot of upheaval in my life. I know that it’s because the universe is pushing me to be in the places I need to be to be able to do the things I need to do, but it’s not an easy road. I’ve gotten a new job that has kept me busier than I’ve ever been at work, which is a good thing, but my stress level is high.

I’m still not fully satisfied with my living situation. Then again, I doubt I’m ever fully satisfied with anything. Don’t get me wrong. My roommate is great and I enjoy living with her. It’s just that I miss having a place of my own. I miss my stuff. It’s not a huge issue. It’s just stuff. I just feel a void…like I’m adrift.

Also, I’m frustrated with the whole house purchase thing. I don’t feel as motivated to do it as I did last year. Let’s be honest, I’ve been very distracted for the past few months, but aside from that, my heart just isn’t in the search right now. I seem to be good at finding reasons why I shouldn’t buy a place yet: not enough money saved up, the market is tightening, something might go awry and then I’ll be stuck, something will breakdown and I won’t be able to pay for it…

One thing I do know is that I am over living alone. I did it for 10 years and I’m sick of it. It’s not that living alone is bad, I’m just over it. It’s like when I decided to move out of San Francisco. I love the City, but I was just done living there. I needed to be closer to my family and I’m very glad I made that decision. I think it has worked out pretty well so far.

Now, I’m just trying to figure out what I want to focus on next. I think I should stop worrying about my stupid stuff and focus on expanding my writing horizons. My living situation is fine. It’s allowing me to save up some money. I mean for the first time in my life, I have money in a savings account. That’s a pretty big step for me. Of course, I wish it was more, but I keep finding reasons to spend big chunks of it.

You know what? Fuck it. I’m more responsible than most people. So what if I spend money on myself or buy gifts for my friends/family? I’m not in debt. I don’t live beyond my means. At some point, I will have the allegedly correct amount of money in savings that all of the financial gurus say you are supposed to have for a rainy day. Funny how that amount keeps changing. I’ve read that it’s anywhere from 3 to 6 months of your salary. Whatever it is, I’m sure it will change once I reach that 6 month watermark.

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