Random Thoughts on Loneliness

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I used to drown my sorrows in baked goods.

I guess it’s better to be thought of as a spinster than a weirdo. I mean if a guy is my age and has never been married, people used to think he was weird. OK, people used to think spinsters were weird, but they were mostly just pitied.

Instead of endlessly crying about the fact that I’m doomed to roam the earth alone, I might as well just embrace the madness. It still saddens me to think that I am unlovable, but I’m starting to accept it. My family and friends love me, so I’m not completely unlovable, just mostly.

Maybe my love life is cursed because I haven’t been listening to my gut. I’ve been trying so hard to be in a relationship with any guy who seems half decent that I ignore the energy in the universe warning me that this guy is bad news. Well, maybe not bad news, but just not right for me. I should relax and just let things happen. Instead I act out of fear, but I rationalize it to make my actions seem normal.

It’s not easy for me to have fun with dating. There are all of these stupid expectations in my brain. I need to let them go. In all honesty, who really cares? It would be nice if there was something (other than booze) that I could take that would make me stop analyzing everything.

I seem to recall feeling that way when I took a Valium when I got my wisdom teeth pulled. That’s just a temporary fix though. I need to learn how to think and feel peace.

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