Pick one.
I will never understand people who do this to other people. I know women do it to men. I don’t know why. I’ve heard tales of men doing it to women. Again, it’s baffling. Is it just that they aren’t grown up enough to pick one of those boxes on the “Will You Date Me” checklist? There is no maybe. If you are actually single, then you either choose yes or no.
I can’t be friends with men. OK, I can be friends with gay men. Why? Because I know they don’t want to have sex with me. It’s not on the table for consideration. With straight men, the possibility of sex is hanging out there like the sword of Damocles, just waiting to strike. Hmm, maybe that’s sending all of you arm chair psychologist into a tailspin…or maybe I used that metaphor incorrectly. Either way, it’s the elephant in the room. We all know it’s there, but most of us are afraid to do anything about it.
Basically, I’m an all or nothing kind of gal. I think I stated that before. Either you’re a guy I’m interested in dating or you aren’t. I don’t want to waste my time and I don’t want to waste anyone else’s. Don’t get me wrong. I will be friendly and polite, but I will not be more than an acquaintance with a guy who might be interested in me when I’m not interested in him. Also, vice versa. I can’t be friends with a guy who isn’t interested in dating me. It’s too damn painful. I would always have hope should he give me any attention. Better to move on.
I think that’s why I get a little perturbed when the guy I’m dating refers to me as his “friend.” I know it can be difficult to label relationship stages early on, but at least say, “this gal I’m dating” if you are unsure of what shorter phrase to use. Maybe I’m just insecure. Then again, in all likelihood, I do and say stupid, mindless things that annoy him. But those dumb little things don’t matter in the long run. It’s the big picture that truly matters. The little annoyances are my ego whispering evil in my brain and I need to ignore it. My ego is stupid and wants me to be miserable.
I guess some of us are just delusional in thinking it could turn into something more.
I’m a pessimist. I assume the worst for myself because I’ve been hurt in the past. I underestimate men because in the past rarely have they shown me that they want anything more than just a good time. I don’t want my time wasted if there’s no hope for a future. Nor do I want to be lead on by a guy as a “just in case” or “second fiddle”.
Then again, I’m the queen of over thinking, so who knows. Maybe if I could find that zen place in my brain where I let the universe take control, things would work out as they should and I wouldn’t let my ego try to worry me to death. Or I could try to be positive. That might be easier.
I think it goes back to my previous post about defaults. People just aren’t as straightforward about dating as previous generations used to be.