>

Please enjoy these items from the Sacramento Bee. As always, my comments in blue.

• Roseville, burglary. A shoplifter made off with 22 bras from Victoria’s Secret after removing the security sensors and leaving them in a small satin display bag on the floor of the store’s beauty section. The theft occurred between 10 a.m. and 7 p.m. Jan. 31. The loss was estimated at $869. That’s about $40 a bra, just in case you were wondering. Obviously they weren’t padded in anyway or it wouldn’t have taken the clerks all day to realize that two dozen bras had gone missing.
• Sand Court, Rocklin, break-in, theft. Someone broke a window on a 2003 Toyota RAV4 and stole a Bible from the back seat between 6 p.m. Jan. 29 and 6:45 a.m. Jan. 30. Nothing else was missing or disturbed. Suspect is said to have horns, a tail, a trident/pitchfork and could be wearing a red cape.
• Stone Point Drive, Roseville, grand theft. Sod valued at $500 was stolen from five locations around two buildings at a construction site between 4 p.m. Jan. 22 and 4 p.m. Jan. 23. Check all the baseball fields in the area.
• Fairway Drive, Rocklin, burglary. Someone broke into a Chevron station at 11:08 p.m. Friday and stole a carton of Marlboro cigarettes and a Red Bull energy drink. Suspect is said to have a mullet and wings.
• 2271 Americana Drive, Roseville, vandalism. Someone threw a rock through a 4-by-4-foot window at Heritage Oak Elementary School at 2:10 p.m. Friday. The damage was estimated at $500. Mrs. Stanwick’s Kindergarten class is being held for questioning.

>

• The owner of a 1986 GMC Caballero saw someone trying to steal his vehicle at 8:30 p.m. Nov. 7 in the Kaiser Permanente parking lot. The car’s owner jumped into the path of the oncoming vehicle, and the driver accelerated. The victim jumped out of the way, but the vehicle hit his hand. The GMC was found later. Can someone explain to me the value of a GMC Caballero? $5,000 on a good day! Is it really worth jumping into the path of an oncoming vehicle? The vehicle is 20 years old! Let your insurance buy you a new one!
• An Apple PowerBook laptop computer and an iPod were stolen from a makeshift sanctuary at Rocklin High School during Metro Calvary Church services between 10 a.m. and 12:45 p.m. Oct. 29. The loss was estimated at $5,450. A makeshift sanctuary? Quasimodo would be disappointed. And what were an iPod and laptop doing in a sanctuary? Does God have a podcast now?
  
• Four tires were slashed and a rear window was destroyed on a 1997 white Ford Explorer between 9:30 p.m. Oct. 26 and 7 a.m. Oct. 27. The owner reported a loss of $850. I swear officer, I was no where near Rocklin on the night of the 26th!
  
• Report taken, 100 block of Dains Court, a youth was given a shotgun shell while trick-or-treating. I guess that beats a rock or some pennies.
  
• Annoying phone call, 700 block of Willard Drive, victim reported receiving annoying phone calls. I get annoying calls all the time, but you don’t see me calling 911 about it. Just don’t answer! Now, lewd calls are another issue entirely.