>Brooke Burke came out in an orange dress and talked about some crap. No one remembers, no one cares. They showed the first loser to go home. Tommy Lee felt bad for giving him the bad news that he didn’t fit in. You’re the only one Tommy Lee
On to the cast of characters:
My Generation – Magni Really? Good try, but it was boring or ho hum as Tommy Lee called it. Also known as that was good, but it’s better when someone else sings it.
Tainted Love – Jenny Galt – I really hope this isn’t the chick who is big in Canada. She started off sounding like a goat. Not that it matters much in rock these days if someone has a pleasant voice, but I still care for some reason. I didn’t like this version of Tainted Love. First it’s all slow and goaty. Then it sounded like a goaty march. Plus, Dave Navarro called her sickly skinny on national television. She did look a little two dimensional. “Go get a sandwich” indeed.
Violet – Jill Gioia – All Hole songs sound the same to me. Courtney Love screeching about some heroin induced crap she took, thrilling. I confused this chick with the one who sang Nirvana last week. Dave Navarro is on fire! He totally called this girl on her bad impersonation of Courtney Love. Study your craft, ho.
You Really Got Me – Zayra Alvarez – She did this weird dance move. It looked like she was in the middle of a Taebo workout. Right hook, left hook. Upper cut. Right on! Gilby Clarke took her down. “Do you even own one of our records?” “I’ve heard of your music.” Bitch, please! You’re not a rock star.
Take Me Out – Chris Pierson – I’m not that familiar with Franz Ferdinan’s work. Other than he was the Emperor of Austria-Hungary or something. Wait, I know this song. It’s actually not too bad, but it’s an example of a weak singer making a quasi-decent song bad.
Ring of Fire -Dilana – I’m pretty sure this chick is psycho. Tommy Lee was even looking at her like she might throw a voodoo curse his way. Her version of this song made me want to gouge out my twitchy eye.
With Arms Wide Open – Josh Logan – I don’t think I can express how much I fucking hate Creed. Maybe it was just Scott Stapp I hated because I kind of like this version of the song. I like this guy’s voice. He needs some better stage moves though.
If You Can Only See – Phil Ritchie – Another song I hate. I didn’t even know the name of the band that sang/covered it until I saw this show. This guy did nothing to improve the song for me. His voice is weak and nasaly, but apparently that doesn’t matter. Dave Navarro and Tommy Lee seem to like it.
Surrender – Storm Large – The Spice Girl look is not good. I do enjoy the song she picked, but I just don’t think she pulled it off. Her voice has this weird quality to it I don’t like. It’s like she’s straining herself by singing.
Heart Shaped Box – Patrice Pike – Was her guitar even plugged in? Because I couldn’t hear it. She also held the damn thing all high and geeky. Why does no one study their craft anymore? I didn’t buy her angst or pain in that song. She’s way too happy to sing Nirvana.
Don’t Panic – Lukas Rossi – Anyone who chooses Coldplay should automatically be kicked off the show. I don’t care if I liked him last week. I’m fickle and this song bored me. The problem is that this guy looks the part and acts the part. He’s already got the Lead Singer Disease.
Jumpin’ Jack Flash – Ryan Star – Seriously, how did this guy get this far? He can’t sing. Even the scary girl, Dilana, was giving him the look like, “Dude. Who let you on stage?” In the words of Tommy Lee, “Show me some boat, bitch!”
Born to Be Wild – Dana Andrews – This chick is the William Hung of Rock Stars without the comedy slant. She is just out of place and out of her league. A leopard bustier does not a rock star make.
Somebody Told me – Toby Rand – I’m not a fan of that song. His rendition of it was nothing to write home about. In fact, I looked at my cell phone bill while he was singing. It’s not good when a bill is more interesting than a performance.
My prediction: Phil Ritchie goes home tomorrow even though Lukas should leave for singing that Coldplay lameness.