Online Dating Chronicles: Fear is the mind killer

Quote from Dune. Read the book.

Unless you are some self-actualized monk, everyone has streaks of jealousy. I try to keep mine under control. Sure, I get pissed off, but mostly at myself. It’s just fear. My ego goes nuts and starts firing up my imagination. “Why hasn’t he texted me? Should I text him? Why am I getting less attention? He probably has a girlfriend (or three) and I’ve been sucking up all his lies. Shouldn’t we be communicating more?” Usually I feel like punching something, but lucky for me I don’t do anything except cry and write. OK, I used to eat my feelings, but I try not to do that unless my hormones are flowing.

There is almost no basis in reality for my fear. Granted, I’ve been shit on a lot in the past, but I realize now that I’m better off. It’s a good thing those idiots disappeared. Of course, at the time, it sucked, but time heals all wounds. Now I know if someone wants to pursue me, he will. I can’t control how other people feel and wouldn’t want to because I wouldn’t want someone to do that to me.

Of course, jealousy also manifests itself when I see someone update their relationship status on Facebook to “in a relationship.” It’s just as stupid. I’m actually happier for people who find money than for people who find love. I’m trying to work on that part of my psyche. Although, over the past month, I’ve seen two friends announce their divorces on Facebook. That is kind of awful. I didn’t feel happy about reading that at all. I try not to reply when someone’s status changes like that unless I’ve been communicating with them in real life. I don’t want to seem like I’m getting in their business…even though they put it on Facebook for the world to see.

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