Movie Review: Magic Mike

From the man who brought you Erin Brockovich, Out of Sight, Ocean’s Eleven and Traffic comes…Magic Mike?

The trailers for this movie confused me. What could it possibly be about? A stripper with a heart of gold?  Yep.  Brace yourself for a feel good ride full of cliches and partial male nudity.

I spent 75% of the movie cringing in embarrassment, covering my eyes to avert them from the awkwardness on the screen.  I’m not talking about the nudity.  I’m talking about the “dance” moves.

If you want to see a good movie about male strippers, watch the Full Monty.  If you want to see Channing Tatum dance like a robot while wearing a thong, watch this movie.

Ok, I will admit there were some funny parts to this cinematic nightmare.  Of course, I was the only one dying of laughter at the marble bust of Matthew McConaughey during the hurricane party.  Hello ego incarnate. Do people really have those parties or are they just the work of Hollywood fantasies?

Seriously though, I’m baffled by the women who honestly enjoy male strippers.  I’m not a prude…  I don’t see what all the fuss is about.  I’m not condoning this, but maybe if I’d smuggled in those little bottles of booze normally found on airlines then the movie would probably have been more enjoyable.

But, it seems like many of the women in the audience were getting something I was missing.  What I find attractive about men doesn’t stem from them being mostly naked & shaking their things in front of me.  It’s something that happens in my intellect or maybe my emotions.  Maybe part of my psyche isn’t broken enough to get it or maybe it’s too broken.  Maybe I was too sober.

Either way, I just don’t get it. Maybe I’m not sexually frustrated in the right way to get it.  My frustration is basic.  I’m not getting any.  A male stripper isn’t going to fulfill the fantasy of having a boyfriend who is loyal and faithful and who loves me. Sad? Yes.  Moving on.

Yes, Channing Tatum is physically alpha male-esque (which most women find appealing, but not me) and when he was being funny and cute part of me found that slightly interesting for a few minutes, not when he was spinning and gyrating on stage.  But mostly, the guy needs acting lessons. I mean… wow.  Also, Matthew McConaughey as the cliche sleezy nightclub owner?  Makes the movie even more cringeworthy and not in a good way.

Bonus? Neal Caffrey is also a weirdo stripper in this movie who lets other guys touch his wife’s fake (“They’re real”) breasts.  Should I have said spoiler alert? Oh well.

And if this really is based on Channing Tatum’s experiences as a male stripper…was he “the Kid”?  And if so, he was kind of an ass. Oh yeah…Spoiler alert there.

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