>There are many reasons for me to be in a bad mood. I’m single, fat and poor, for starters. Shall I keep going? Well, I will anyway. Yes, I know I have my health and I should shut up and stop whining, but for some reason this morning, I just decided that I’m not happy.
I think it started off when I walked into the break room this morning and saw some random chick playing golf on TV. It struck me that millions of people have jobs vastly different from mine. Being stuck in a cubicle for 8 hours, dealing with idiotic clients and feeling that none of your hard work will pay off in the future does not put me in a good mood. It’s not that I don’t like my job. My job is pretty good actually. If I absolutely hated my job, I would quit without thinking twice.
The problem is that I feel stuck. I feel like nothing has really changed for me in the last 10 years except my address, my weight and my age. I’m still whining about the same crap and I’m tired of it. I’ve broken out of my comfort zones time and again in an attempt to better myself, be happy or just do something different, yet here I am, still the same. Single, broke and ugly.
Another problem? I feel the need to be perfect. My fucked up reasoning tells me that I’m single because I’m not perfect. It doesn’t matter that I see millions of imperfect people in happy relationships. I’m alone because I’m fat, ugly and now old. Again, millions of fat, ugly and old people are in relationships, but still my wretched ego gloms on to my imperfection as the reason I’m alone. Logically, why else am I single? An attractive person with a great personality should be in a relationship, right?
One good thing, I have thus far stopped myself from baking chocolate chip cookies and eating half the batch by myself to feel better. Chocolate is my anti-depressant…that is until I eat too much and it makes me fat…then it depresses me.