>Online Dating Translations

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>Yep. You are still being inundated with those eHarmony and Match.com commercials. So, let me translate a few overused phrases in most men’s profiles. It’s a warning to the ladies and writing assistance to the men:

“I’m sarcastic.” Online dating translation: I’m a dullard with no sense of humor.

“I’m outgoing.” Online dating translation: I’m too shy to talk to members of the opposite sex in real life, so don’t expect me to meet you in person.

“I’m shy.” Online dating translation: I collect small animals in my basement. 

“I’m looking for chemistry.” Online dating translation: I’ll screw anything with a low enough self-esteem.

“I enjoy hanging out with friends.” Online dating translation: I have no friends.

“My subscription ran out.” or “I’m not a paying member.” Online dating translation: I’m cheap or poor, but at least I’m honest about it, which is why I surreptitiously implanted a code for you to find my email address/phone number in my profile.

“I’m looking for something long term.” Online dating translation: I expect to get laid on the second date.

“I’m romantic.” Online dating translation: I’ll bring you flowers once…but you only after you blow me first.

“I’m not into playing games.” Online dating translation: I will fuck with your mind so bad, you won’t know what day it is.

“I’m looking for someone who is drama free.”  Online dating translation: I only date psychotic women who will stomp on my heart and treat me like shit.

“I work hard and play harder.” Online dating translation: I’m totally lame…and possibly limp.

“I’ve never done this before.” Online dating translation: I’m desperate for a date and this seemed like an efficient use of my time.

“I like to snuggle.” Online dating translation: I’m a total perv.

“I’m easy going.” Online dating translation: I’m a controlling psycho who will sneak into your house and align the towels in your bathroom.

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