Why does it surprise me that I have to point out the obvious to people? The last few messages I’ve received from men have been extremely lame. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think they had a Word Doc that they were just copying and pasting from as they mass eblast all the gals in their online dating search results. Come on, Sacramento men! You have to be smarter than that.
Too damn short: If your message consists of less than 140 characters, you better say something REALLY witty. If your message consists of less than 3 words (yes, I’ve gotten those), don’t even waste your time. A sane woman will not respond to you.
Feeding a line: If you say nothing but, “You’re cute! I love your smile! You seem like an interesting person.” I am going to accuse you of being a robot. Nothing about that message tells me that you actually read the profile I painstakingly crafted to lure you into talking to me.
Stupid question: Never ask a single person why they are single. The profile states whether or not they’ve been married before. I get really annoyed when a guy asks me this questions. It implies two things: 1) Something must be wrong with me and that’s why I’m single or 2) I’m lying about my relationship status. Sure, there might be an implied compliment like the last guy who said, “How is a goddess like you single?” Because I only date guys who, in fact, find me repulsive and leave after no more than two dates. Is that what you want to hear?!?
Profile acknowledgement: Please for the love of all that’s holy, write something that shows you actually read even the teensiest portion of my profile. I don’t care if it’s even just the damn headline, make a freaking comment on something I wrote! Obviously, if you are one of those people who writes a river of cliches in their profile, your brain won’t be able to fathom most of my awesome humor, but at least ask me a question about something that I wrote that puzzles you.
Kindred spirit: I love it when a guy says, “That’s my favorite movie too! Don’t you like that part where…” Ok, so a guy never wrote that to me, but I can always hope, right? Seriously though, a great way to stand out from the “You’re cute” and “Hey baby, let’s grab a drink” crowd is to tell me that I like something that you like too.
Silly question: Another great way to connect is to ask about something in the person’s profile. The Football Player reeled me in when he asked about the robot comment. The whole point of a profile is to get someone to contact you. A mere picture is not enough. Your personality and wit needs to be on display for the world to see. A message is another way that special someone will be able to pick you out from the crowd of undateables.