>Online Dating: The boring profile episode

>It’s really a lose/lose situation…more so than regular online dating. I’m presenting a somewhat skewed picture of myself. I hate that. I’m honest to a fault. Plus, if some guy does show interest, I will be disgusted that he didn’t contact me sooner. So, I make myself into a plain Jane & suddenly I’m not intimidating? What are you going to do when we meet?

I just couldn’t take the boring profile. I got rid of it last night.

So, what did my stats look like?

Views: 40
Winks: 3
Suspected robots: 0
Possible pervs: 0
Emails: 0 (received/sent/repiled)

Yesterday, two different people tweeted to me about this article in The New Yorker. It was simultaneously fascinating and depressing. Sort of like dating in general. It did get me to thinking about the stupid Mutual Match algorithm. I left my preferences pretty wide open, so I glanced at that “search” to see what it presented. Wow. The first 5 guys were completely unattractive to me.  When I first moved here I thought Sacramento was a hot bed of quality men…apparently, my expectations were too high and possibly still are stratospheric.

Instead of weeping for my lonely fate in life, I decided to screw with the math of love. I started randomly selecting different preferences to see if it changed at all. According to my thoroughly scientific research, the only things taken into account are marital status, race, religion, kids, drinking and smoking. Whenever I changed anything else, it was negligible. I didn’t mess with the physical features because that’s what a photo is for, right?

What this equation doesn’t take into account is personality. So what if I match 100% with this guy? He said the dreaded “I don’t like to write about myself. Just ask” How am I supposed to date a cliche? Wait, am I a cliche and I just don’t know it? Crap. No. Then I would be able to fit in better with the rest of the crowd, right?

I’m going to start asking really random questions of guys who say that “just ask” stuff.

“How many insects have you killed in the last week?  Do you have all of your limbs? What flavor of Slurpee did you first try as a kid? Are you ambulatory?  What is the square root of Pi?  Do you sleep on the left side of the bed?  How many times have you been arrested?  Why haven’t you emailed me yet?”

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