>Thanks to Ms. Munchie for today’s post!
In my previous guest post I wrote about dating in my 40’s. It is still very difficult, especially since I’m pretty picky. After all, I’m an active, social gal who needs someone who can keep up with me. No couch potatoes need apply.
So it was with some hope that I went to meet an attractive guy in my age range that I met via Match.com. This was back in September. We met for some drinks and I found him to be fit, active, and attractive. But I was still getting “playa” vibes off him. Nevertheless, I figured he was worth a second date at least.
Things had started down the “playa” route even before that first meeting because he would email me calling me Beautiful instead of by my name. He also wanted my cell phone number right away – he’s a texter.
After that initial meeting the “playa” vibe got even worse. He would text me instead of call and his suggestion for our next “date” was to come over to his house to watch movies and hot tub. Red flag! Alert, alert, alert!
Not only that, he would text me to possibly get together last minute. Um, sorry, but I’m not sitting by my phone waiting for last minute date opportunities where I’m gonna instantly fix up and go out with you. Contrary to what you apparently think, I have a life and I’m not a dog here for your beck and call.
After these instances I started ignoring his texts hoping he would get the hint. They did stop for a while, but then right before Thanksgiving I started getting them again. (Again, texts, not calls.) Now I’ll be quite honest. I was feeling a little sexual frustration since it’s been almost a year since I’ve had a relationship. So I decided to respond. I was in Oregon for Thanksgiving, but maybe when I got back…
The day I returned home I woke up at 4 a.m. and then had a 10 hour drive back to Sac. I get a text saying, basically, welcome home and do you want to come over?
No I don’t want to come over! I just drove 10 hours straight, am exhausted, and haven’t seen my cats in a week!
But I can give you a massage to get rid of the road for you.
That was a Thursday. More texts about maybe meeting over the weekend. I tell him, “Great. Call me later to set up.”
What do I get? More last minute texts again.
At this point I’m just pissed and so on the Monday I sent him the following email: You can stop contacting me. I ignored you for a long while because it was obvious booty call behavior coming from you. But then I thought that it has been ages since I got laid and so I answered you this last week. But basically I’ve become just too irritated to go any further with this. The constant text communication versus making any effort to call is just demeaning and disrespectful. I have very high self esteem and the behavior has irritated me from the start and I’m just done with it. Perhaps it was not your intention, but that’s certainly the way you come across. Thanks, but no thanks.
Of course I got a voicemail and an email after that. Too late, buddy.
So, to sum up, gentlemen, if you are serious about finding a good woman and you are truly not a playa, then DON’T do the following:
- Don’t ask for a phone number too early.
- Don’t start texting until you have an established relationship. Call! Get to know the person! Have a conversation!
- Don’t suggest your place for the second date. Even if it’s because you are poor, you can still have a date just going for a walk or something.
- Don’t mention hot tubs and massages until you are in an established relationship!
- Don’t try and make last minute dates. It comes across like she’s really low on your interest/priority list and is disrespectful. In fact, all of the above are signs of respect or lack of.
Some women may be desperate and put up with such behavior, but MsChick and I won’t.