Five Predictions for 2014

humor, funnyDid you know I have a crystal ball? Seriously. Mostly, it just looks pretty in our home, but today I put it to use. What does the future hold? What will happen in 2014? Yes, I made predictions!

1) A celebrity will do and/or say something stupid, ridiculous, and distracting. Come on, people haven’t you figured this crap out yet? It’s a public relations stunt. Someone somewhere is paying someone else somewhere else to talk about something. It doesn’t matter who it is or what they did. People of all types do and say dumb things all the time. It shouldn’t be newsworthy, but sadly it is. Stop paying attention to the shiny object.

2) Something will be at war that can’t actually be warring. Christmas is usually a good topic, but I think people are bored with that subject. I’ve seen cupcakes, Halloween, and storage lockers go to war on TV. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Apologies to Edwin Starr. Can we just stop having things battle that are not inherently at odds? Why can’t TV shows just teach us something? There are other plots aside from A vs B, even if they are manufactured through the editing process.

3) The government will do something you don’t like. Have you voted? If not, be quiet. If so, do something about it during the next election. Also, pick up a spy novel every now and then. These “revelations” about spying are not revelations to people who read that genre.

4) Some incredibly dumb woman will become famous and have no discernible talent. Unless of course you count the ability to create a sex tape a talent…maybe it is. I don’t know. Here’s a question, how come a man hasn’t become famous by releasing a sex tape?

5) A meme will appear on the internet (Facebook more likely than not) that was disproved 10 years ago by Snopes.com, but one or more of your friends and/or family members will think it’s true. Like this status if you love puppies and kitten, ignore if you’re a heartless asshole.

Bonus: I will assume a reputable news site has reprinted a story from theOnion.com (or other parody site) because truth is stranger than fiction. And in one case, I might be correct!

New Year’s Resolutions for 2014

NewYearsResolutionsWhat I really need are goals for 2014, but I’m going to phrase them as resolutions because that’s more marketing friendly, right?

Whatever.

2014 is the year I turn 40.  Yep. I cannot believe it.  I still feel about 30.  I loved my 30s, but my 40s will begin with the love of my life at my side, so I’m ready to set some goals to enrich and possibly en-wealth (I know that’s not a word), myself.

1) Create a business plan for my blog. It’s time to stop pussy footing around and approach my writing in a more business-like manner.  I’m determined to increase all kinds of stats and actually get some income from my efforts.  The day I spent at Bloggy Boot Camp inspired me to change my mind and get things done in the blog world. Creating a plan will be the first step.

2) Stop going out to lunch.  This goal will help me in two ways.  First, I’ll lose some weight because I won’t be overindulging in burgers and french fries on a regular basis and second, more importantly, I will save a ton of money. If I can get my daily lunch cost under $5 per meal and still feel satisfied, I totally win.

3) Watch one new movie each month.  I love watching movies and seem to keep watching the same crap all the time.  OK, it’s not crap because I like the movies, but I want to expand my horizons.  I want to see some classics I have yet to enjoy.  I want to see new releases BEFORE they hit the DVD rack.

4) Read one new book every two months.  It’s really tough for me to find new books to read.  I love fiction.  I want to read more non-fiction, but it’s kind of boring.  Books on my Nook can be really cheap, so there’s no excuse for me to avoid this from a monetary standpoint.  I welcome any and all suggestions.

5) Make one new dish each month.  I’ll try to make it fairly healthy, but Paul is kind of particular about what he eats.  He is however, willing to try just about anything.  My real cooking fear is not the process, but the time management.  When should I start what? How long will it take me to prepare the meal in toto?

I’m trying to make these goals or resolutions as specific as possible.  When they get general (I want to lose weight! I want to be rich!) they feel impossible to reach.