It really is a health issue

No more cravings, either.

No more cravings, either.

Why didn’t anyone tell me that the birth control pill can cure PMS? Seriously, why?!?

Had I known, I would have started taking it decades ago and saved my sanity. Honestly, people, you really should make this pill available to women everywhere if they want it. Preventing pregnancy is just a bonus side effect, if you ask me.

No longer do I get weepy, angry or randomly annoyed because my hormones are challenging my emotional state. That’s not to say I’m completely emotionless. It’s just that I feel more steady. I don’t want to punch people in the face for talking to me in the elevator. Granted, I still don’t want them to talk to me in the elevator, especially if it’s before 7:30 AM, but at least I can handle it better all the time instead of just 2-3 weeks a month.

Sadly, not all women can take birth control pills. It effects everyone in different ways? Why? Well because I’m pretending to be a doctor I’ll tell you: Everyone is different. Everyone has a slightly different body chemistry. At least that’s my totally unscientific theory. Who knows, I could be correct!

Regardless, thank God I live in this age. While I still think medicine needs to make more leaps and bounds overall, some of the prescriptions available really have made life easier (and better) for millions of people. That’s not to say I trust pharmaceutical companies. Bottom line is that they are in it to make money, but I appreciate when those attempts to increase profit margins help people live better lives.

Hug your loved ones every chance you can

Just as I am finally in a happy place in my life, something awful happens to a family member. My mom’s cousin, who celebrated her 50th birthday a few days ago just found out she has pancreatic cancer.

Why does something like this happen to someone so full of life? Someone who is liked by everyone she meets?  My cousin Joanne is one of my favorite people. She’s the kind of woman we should all aspire to be. She’s always been so comfortable in her skin, so full of self confidence. She hardly ever complains. She just deals with whatever life hands her.  She has an easy going, offhand attitude that everyone finds attractive.

She’s such a great storyteller, always laughing, always happy. She’s kind and interesting, willing to lend a hand, always ready to work hard. She’s the life of the party, but never in an obnoxious way. She’s the one you want to hang out with, the one you want to be like. I’m so lucky to have known her since I was a child.

I’m devastated by this news. I’m angry at the universe and I can’t stop crying. I’m sad for her two boys who have grown into wonderful people. I’m sad for the whole family. Joanne is part of the glue. She’s always there to celebrate something with any cousin who lets her know about it.

All I know is that at some point in the near future, I have to travel across the country and visit her one last time. My heart is breaking.

Connect 2 Happiness with GaiamTV

Connect 2 Happiness GaiamTVJanuary is halfway over. How are you doing on those resolutions? Yeah me too. Honestly, I sort of forgot what I resolved to do. As always, I want to be healthier, happier. I don’t like to say lose weight. I know that’s basically what I want, but really it’s more than that. I need to change my bad habits.

It’s not just about moving more, which I need to do, but it’s about handling stress too. GaiamTV created a 30 day Connect 2 Happiness challenge. It’s 30 days of inspiration, which is really what will help us achieve those resolutions. I mean who wouldn’t want a daily happiness reminder? The nice thing about the Connect 2 Happiness 30 day challenge is that it’s free. The first day was sort of like a guided meditation (which they also have on GaiamTV). It posed three questions to ponder, all centered around happiness.  What is happiness?  I think it’s a choice.  You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be unhappy.  It’s all about perspective.

Connect 2 Happiness

You know what makes me happy? Going with the flow. Also, my boyfriend, but that’s a subject for a different blog post.

So what exactly is GaiamTV?

  • Innovative Service & World-Class Programming: Gaiam TV is the first streaming video subscription service designed to reach those interested in health and happiness. With over 2,000 titles, Gaiam TV is like Netflix for the mind, body and spirit!
  • Instant Access, 24/7 Convenience: Gaiam TV’s entire library of thought provoking movies, top documentary films and fitness videos is available anytime, anywhere. Streaming capabilities for Gaiam TV include personal computers, iPads and smartphones.
  • Free to Try: Gaiam TV’s $9.95 per month subscription fee allows subscribers to stream unlimited content. The subscription to Gaiam TV is no strings attached; there is no commitment, and members can cancel at anytime. Gaiam TV offers a free 10-day trial.

I highly recommend GaiamTV. It offers a wide variety of streaming content, which is great for those of us who like to change things up. I personally enjoyed the guided meditations. Afterwards, I felt refreshed and ready to take on the day.

Full disclosure: This post is a sponsored post for GaiamTV.

Resolutions for 2013

Damn. Is it really 2013? The future is pretty rad. I’m totally bring back rad.

Dating, diet, and fitness ads abound on TV which means a new year is about to begin. It’s interesting that we don’t see many commercials about investing, saving money or retirement planning. Maybe that’s not as sexy as well, sex.

Last year I made some resolutions , I even achieved a few.  This year, I’ll some newish goals.

1. Writing – Since this is my passion, I want to focus on achieving more clout (not necessarily klout) in this field somehow. It might be monetary or accolades or both, but this is an area on which I’d like to focus much of my energy. I’d also like to try out new styles, join more groups & just generally engage in more ways with regard to writing.

2. Health – Diets don’t work. What I want to do is act like a skinny person. I have stopped calling myself fat, for the most part. There are still those moments, usually fueled by hormones or emotions, when I slip up. But I have been getting better about portion control. I have tried to keep sweets away from me, but they somehow find their way into my awareness. I hate exercise. I do like to walk, so I’ve been pretty good about getting out of the office for 20 minutes to get off my ass.

3. Finances – While my financial habits have improved greatly over the past year, I’m still in need of improvement. I need to cut out some stupid costs which should have been cut last year. I need to watch my dining out habits. Avoiding dirtying a dish because I’m too tired to  bother is a lame excuse to go to Chipotle. I need to increase my liquid assets. I think that means putting more cash in my savings account. It doesn’t help that I can be an emotional spender. I’m sad. Ooh look at that pretty sweater!

Face Your Fears Wednesday: A Doctor Visit

Women’s health is a big issue these days, but I hate going to the doctor. It’s a good thing I’m healthy.

I know. I know.

Regardless if it’s my gynecologist or primary care, my germophobia gets triggered. But, when I go to the gyno, it takes an emotional toll on me as an added fear bonus. I don’t like getting prodded & probed. It doesn’t hurt. It just feels really, really weird and uncomfortable. My doctor is great. She’s very caring and tries to make me feel relaxed and comfortable emotionally as well as physically. I don’t feel intimidated at all. I feel like she genuinely cares about my health.

Am I the only woman who almost has an emotional breakdown after a visit to the gynecologist? It seems really stupid and I don’t know why I do it. I try to relax and let her do what she needs to do, but my body doesn’t want her in there.

I know a friend of mine takes a Xanax before her doctor visit. It doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I try to schedule my appointment in the afternoon, so I don’t have to go back to work. Things don’t always happen the way I want them to, so now I feel like an idiot because my emotional stability is questionable and I need to go back to work.

Why do I let myself get freaked out? It’s just a routine exam. I’m healthy. Millions of women go through it every day. Although getting my blood pressure checked freaks me out a bit too, so it seems reasonable that a speculum will cause me some distress.

I know. At this point in my life, going to the gyno should be routine. But when you aren’t sexually active for years on end and don’t have any issues with your menses, going to the doctor seems pointless. Again, I hear you berating me. I know that there can be issues that don’t manifest themselves and only a doctor will know. I’m not stupid. I’m scared.

But I faced my fear and went because that’s what adults do. One good thing, my blood pressure is normal even while I was freaking out in my head.

Weighing me down…

Since the age of 10, I have fretted about my weight. It was at about that time that puberty began attacking my poor body. Hormones warped my sense of reality. I felt fat and awkward even though I wasn’t fat.  I didn’t really gain weight until I went off to college. It’s taken me 28 years to figure out that being fat is all in my head. Yes, I still need to lose weight, but no longer will I torture myself with awful thoughts. That’s the first step. The second step is eating right. Fad diets are bunk. I don’t have the patience to count points. I’m not stupid. I know what’s healthy to eat and what’s not. You know what I try to do? Eat like a skinny person, think like a skinny person. I’m trying to change my mind and my way of life, not just what food I ingest.

It’s a daily struggle. I’m an emotional eater. Chocolate is my Xanax. Baked goods comfort me when I’m sad or stressed. Luckily, being single, I have more control over what food is in my pantry. There isn’t someone who tempts me with a gallon of ice cream sitting in the freezer. I have some self control, but it’s easier to not have that stuff in the house. It’s a slow process. I’m trying to break bad habits. I’m trying to find new ways to comfort myself. I’m trying to be more aware of how I feel after I eat. I’m also just trying to eat less. Shocker, if you eat less, you don’t weigh that much.

I’m not advocating anything. I’m just expressing myself. I know most women struggle with their weight. Personally, I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. For the most part I am, but there are still those moments when I see a photo of myself and the loathing sets in. The hardest part and the most important is to stop that loathing. I need to change the picture of myself in my head to one that is healthy. I also need to stop thinking about long term goals and just focus on the now. Taking little steps to make myself happy will get me back to a healthy weight. I know I’m getting there, but it’s so easy to slip up. One day at a time is how this battle in my head will be won.

Stress relief?

Did you ever have one of those days? You know where you get trapped in the elevator at work…twice. Apparently, if I’m in the building after hours, I need Mr. Wizard and his science-y knowledge to come save me from the stupid air pressure that effects the elevators when they shut off the HVAC for the night.

I’m not sure why, but I’m stressed out. Maybe it’s because I was at work for 11 hours. Maybe the hormones are finally catching up with me. Maybe it’s because I’m a nutbar who likes to be miserable. Maybe I’m just lonely and missing someone. That’s an odd feeling for me. I can’t recall missing anyone this much who wasn’t family.

Actually, I don’t think I’ve missed family this much. I’m used to being sad because I felt like I would be single forever, there was no hope and no one would ever want to be with me. My brain keeps trying to put these stupid thoughts back in my head. I’m trying to ignore them.

Am I one of those awful people who is constantly in a bad mood or easily gets pissed off? Crap. I probably am. I try to be pleasant and nice to people, but sometimes I just get annoyed. Like when they park RIGHT next to me in the parking lot when there are easily 10 other free spaces. Why must you park right next to me, stranger danger?

Or when someone is all cheery and bright at 7 am and wants to make small talk. It’s ungodly. I need a sign or a t-shirt that says, please don’t speak to me before 7 am unless it’s an emergency otherwise you’ll get the stink eye. That’s kind of alot of text for a shirt. No one would read it anyway.