>More Online Dating Fun

>Yes, I succumbed to boredom and started surfing the dating sites. I’m avoiding eHarmony like the plague.

“I’ve been a vegetarian since 1997. I just felt sorry for the animals.”
I swear a guy actually put that in his ad. I’m not against him being vegetarian. (Ok, a little bit.) I don’t get the animal pity. Dude. Have you ever seen Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom? It’s a part of nature.

I got one message from a guy who called me babydoll. I hate that! Honey, sweetie or any other cutesy pet names are not allowed until you’ve gotten to know me better. It comes off as cheesy and wrong.

I also don’t get these 40-46 year old guys who think I’m going to date them. That would be like me dating a 21 year old. Which probably would be fun for a while, but what the hell am I going to have in common with a guy 10 years younger than me? And to be honest, a 40 year old is not going to interest me unless he’s rich, hot, and a nice guy. Even then…he’d have to be an exceptional guy.

I also don’t understand these people who live hundreds of miles away from me that send me messages. Dude, you live in Podunk, Idaho. There is no way I’m going to talk to you. It would be a waste of my time. If you move closer to civilization, I might consider talking to you.

Oh yeah, and Jedi Masters, Siths and shamans need not apply! That goes double for you guys with kids. So far, I haven’t run into any preachers.

>Dating Story

>My friend, Maria, went out on a quasi-blind date last night. Oddly enough, everything turned out well. By quasi-blind, I mean she met the guy off the Internet. Pictures don’t do justice to reality. Even if the picture is fairly recent, the lighting and angle can make the person look vastly different when you actually meet them face to face.

The guy showed up at the restaurant with flowers. Do guys still do that? They had dinner and even went for a walk afterwards. Maria always tries to give people an out. After dinner she told Internet Boy that it was his chance to leave if he wanted it. He didn’t take advantage of it. He even called her later that evening to make sure she got home safe and wants to see her again this week. Amazing…

I’m happy that she found a decent guy, but all I can do is think, “What’s wrong with him?” It’s sad, I know. I shouldn’t look for people’s faults, but there are so many crazies out there, I can’t help it. Plus, this guy comes from out of the blue. It’s not like they have any mutual friends, he lives in her neighborhood, or works in her office. Talk about asking for a credit check and three personal references…

>Online Dating Profiles

>You’ve got to question a guy whose occupation is a real estate broker and lists the following as things he is thankful for:

  • My life
  • My Salvation
  • My Blessings

He also states that Tony Robbins has been the most influential person in his life. I know I shouldn’t judge, but this is all I have to go on to decide if I am interested in getting to know this person.

I guess I have a problem with people who espouse their spirituality too much. I feel that religion and spirituality are personal and you shouldn’t feel the need to tell everyone, “Hey, I’m a Christian!” Good for you, Jack. Do you want a cookie or something? I mean unless you are a preacher or something, you need to shut up.

If I am in a church or convent, then you can talk to me all day about whatever religion you belong to, but otherwise, it’s just annoying and suspicious. It’s kind of like the people are trying to tell you how good they are when they really don’t feel that way about themselves.

>eHarmony Match – Joe Dirt

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The most influential person in Joe Dirt’s life has been:

Grandparents, Jesus Christ, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Ronald Reagan and I could write a Thesis on each as to why.

I kid you not, that was a real response on someone’s profile.  The guy’s picture looked like it was taken in 1984 for his high school year book.  He’s wearing the requisite black tux jacket, white dress shirt, and red bow tie.  And of course, blonde mullet.

A thesis on Ronald Regan and Jesus Christ does not turn me on.  Sounds like a total downer to me.  Now if he had said something about Ronnie VanZant that would have been hella cool.  Free Bird!

>Personals Fun!

>For some reason (probably user error on my part), I am still getting matches from eHarmony. One guy I was matched with said this about the most influential person in his life:

Charlie Chaplin: A true rags to riches story…a man with great talent and uncompromising principles who was able to entertain a world that grew to love him, but was also willing to challenge that world to fight the injustices of imperialism, fascism, and hatred. Anne Frank, Thomas Jefferson, and Eleanor Roosevelt are the best runners up for inspiring and providing a strong sense of freedom and individuality.

Most people say someone they actually know like a grandparent, sibling, or teacher. Plus, didn’t Charlie Chaplin marry a 16 year old girl? That screams integrity.

I’ve noticed on a few personals that guys describe themselves as being goal oriented. Note to single men: That’s just stupid. Is that something you enjoy about your friends? I really like hanging out with Jack. He’s so goal oriented.

Also a note to single women: Be wary of guys whose photos are only of them in sunglasses and/or with a hat on. It has nothing to do with the amount of hair a guy has. A person’s look is greatly altered by the addition of a hat. Putting on sunglasses covers up the eyes, which we all know are windows to the soul. And if I can’t see into your soul, I can’t see you.

>Relationship Expert? I Doubt It

>Could someone explain that eHarmony shit to me? I admit that in a moment of weakness I fell for those lame commercials. I went online and did the personality quiz. Apparently, the men in my area don’t fall for that commercial because I only got 5 hits on the first day. All of whom summarily rejected me. I reasoned that maybe they were on for a while and already have something going on. Plus, I actually rejected one for being a Jesus freak. Sorry, not into that.

So, today I log on and check out the search results. There are 6 more guys, of which two are Jesus freaks. What the hell? I must have answered the quiz incorrectly because I really don’t want a guy who constantly is telling people about his personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.